Raise Up Your Child in the Lord
Parenthood

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Good morning, church! We’re in part two of our series called, “Parenthood.” We’re going through “the three R’s” of parenthood. This is not “the three R’s” of education: reading, writing and arithmetic, but “the three R’s” of parenting. We’re calling them: (1) Receive your child as a gift from the Lord (which we talked about last week). This week, (2) Raise up your child in the Lord and then, next week we’ll be talking about (3) Releasing your child back to the Lord. This week, we will be talking about raising your child in the Lord.

Before we get started, because parenting is such a serious business, we need a great sense of humor, don’t we? In order to be parents, you have to have a sense of humor. Here are some tweets on the math of parenthood:

Tweet #1: Mark O’Connell “Parenting is 10% inspiration, and 90% answering endless futile questions posed by a small person sitting on a portable toilet.” (The people that are laughing the loudest right now know they’ve done this .) Tweet #2: Abe Yospe “Parenting is 20% spending time with your kids providing love and advice and 80% looking for their shoes.” Tweet #3: Fluffy Suse “Parenting is 50% arranging nice things for your kids to do and 50% threatening to take them away.” Tweet #4: Stephen_with_a_Ph “Eighty percent of parenting is signing your kids up for sports and then praying for the games to be cancelled.” Tweet #5: Heather “Parenting is 40% driving, 50% serving food, and 10% repeating “Stop licking people!”

It’s fun being parents. What’s your parenting approach? Did you get it from your parents? Are you just doing what was done unto you and you are doing this to your children? Was it from friends that you learned how to parent? Is your parenting from a book you’ve read? Is it something you learned in the culture? Where did you get your parenting style?

In his book, “Effective parenting in a defective world,” Pastor Chip Ingram quotes a study by sociologist, Reuben Hill, who did a study of thousands of families and found that parenting styles tend to fall in one of four styles or categories. He discovered four parenting styles. As we look at this graph, you can see the X is love and the Y is discipline. Here’s the top amount, 100% love. Over here is 100% discipline. Here are the four parenting styles:

The Permissive Parent – Parents who are high in love but low in discipline. The study revealed that permissive parents tend to produce children with very low self-esteem and feelings ofof inferiority. inferiority. The kids feel loved, but they are never sure of their limits. Their parents are generally fearful, afraid of messing up and damaging their children’s psyche, so they never set firm boundaries.

The Neglectful Parent – Low in expressing love and discipline. Their children tend to grow up with no lasting relationship with Mom or Dad. The parents’ neglect may not necessarily be intentional. They may simply be in the midst of their own traumas and chaos, like an addiction or an abusive situation. They don’t purposely neglect their kids, but don’t know how to deal with their own issues and don’t have the tools to be parents. These children grow up on their own, like “free range children,” making their own decisions about life.

The Authoritarian Parent – Low in love and affection, but high on discipline. They raise children who are provoked to rebellion. The bar is always high and the “musts” are always abundant, so there’s a strong sense of safety. But this kind of parent isn’t content just to win the war; they have to win every battle too. Communication between parent and child takes the form of arguing and fighting, especially when the child is old enough to fight back. Authoritarian parents squeeze their kids until the kids can’t wait to leave home.

The Authoritative Parent – These parents provide the best combination of love and discipline. They have clear boundaries, but are also very loving. They are “fellowshipping” parents. Everyone knows who the boss is, but with a consideration that respects and honors who the child is, while not compromising their disciplinary needs. The result is a child high in self-esteem and equipped with good coping skills.

Which category is your parenting style? It just so happens, as we look at the scripture in the book of Ephesians, the category that’s high in love and high in discipline seems like a good description of what the Bible teaches about parenting. That’s where we all want to be, isn’t it? We want to be where God wants us to be as parents.

We’re looking at Ephesians, chapter six. In this letter, the apostle Paul wrote to the church at Ephesus on how to parent your children. As we look at the text, you’ll see that he uses four command verbs or four Greek imperatives that will impact and be our four ways that you can raise up your child in the Lord. Let’s read the text.

Ephesians 6:1-4 (ESV) 1 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” This is God’s word.

We’re looking for four imperatives or commands for how to raise up your child in the Lord. Here’s the first:

1. Give them the right standard to obey.

Take note that verse one is to children. It says, “Children, obey your parents.” Paul is talking about the family. The book of Ephesians is primarily how to be the church. Paul starts talking about how to be a wife in chapter five. How to be a husband is also in chapter five. As Paul goes into chapter six, he gives a word for the children. He continues with a word for fathers and parents.

In the first verse, he’s talking to children, but how do we apply this as parents? First of all, take note of this: children, in the Greek, implies a dependent child . The Greek has different words for different ages. This is to a child that’s still under the parent’s roof and under the parent’s care. The word, “obey,” is God’s word for a child that’s still dependent on his/her parents, but it has a time stamp on it. You outgrow that command as you become independent. The next command that we’ll be talking about is the word, “honor,” in verse 2. There’s no time stamp on that one; you must honor your father and mother for the rest of your life. There’s no limit on that one. “Obey” is addressed to τέκνα, tekna in the Greek, which is a dependent child. What is the command word? It’s the word “obey.” That’s the first imperative that we see in this text: “obey.” Interestingly enough, in the Greek language, we can have a real insight here because it’s the idea of “to come under hearing.”

I got some feedback from some of the parents from last week’s sermon. They told me that on the way home last week, before they could even get out of the parking lot, their thirteen year old said to them, Well, you heard what the pastor said, I’m a gift from the Lord. You’ll need to treat me nice; remember, I’m a gift. I did say that last week and that was very true. Now, may I say to you, that our gifts from the Lord are supposed to obey their parents. Okay so, that’s my correction for those of you that celebrated being a gift last week.

Parents, how do we apply something that’s written to children? The verb tells us “to come under hearing;” this implies they’re hearing something. If you’re not giving them a standard to obey, if you’re not giving them direction, how can they come under it? Children, obey your parents, but parents give them something to obey. Give them something to obey; something they can come under. “Obey your parents in the Lord.”

How many of you here had parents? All of us. We didn’t get here without our parents, right? Some of us are thinking, I had an abusive father. I have an absentee father. My mother left. My father died. They were imperfect. And we all figure this out fairly early as we grow up. You know what? Mom’s not perfect, She made a mistake. And then you go to school and the teacher tells you one thing, and it’s the opposite of what your parents said. I’m going with what the teacher said. You start growing up, you start thinking Mom and dad don’t know everything. They’re not perfect and they make mistakes. You are right. Then you think, Well, that means there should be an exclusion clause to this, obey your parents thing, right? No, there isn’t, because your obedience to your parents is a reflection of your obedience to the Lord. “Children obey your parents in the Lord,” in alignment with the Lord.

You receive your child as a gift from the Lord. Here’s the child; they know nothing. You have to teach them how to say “mama” and “daddy.” You are bringing them up, but the idea is, now, you’re bringing them up in the Lord. You receive them as a gift from the Lord. You’re the mediator between them and God. Your job is to raise them up in the Lord so, to do that, you’re giving them a standard to obey and you’re pointing them to Him the whole time.

Our goal is that we will release our children to the Lord when they become fully mature and independent. But for now, we are the ones that are teaching them. You may think, Well my parents aren’t perfect. You are right, but you’re to obey them because they are God’s representative to you. Even with all of their imperfections, they are still God’s representative. You are to obey them in alignment with the Lord because it’s right. That’s a pretty good argument. It doesn’t matter if you’re a believer or not. It doesn’t matter what your religious background may be. Colossians 3:20 (ESV) “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” As Paul writes to Colossae, he gives a similar list, he says, “Children obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” It makes God happy when you do what your parents say and obey them. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 (NKJV) “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.” God is saying to parents, make teaching your children right from wrong something you do when you get up in the morning, when you’re driving down the road, when you’re going to bed at night… You’re constantly thinking, I’m preparing my child to follow God, to follow the Lord. I’m teaching them right from wrong.

In Chip Ingram’s book, “Effective Parenting in a Defective World,” he talks about parenting myths versus parenting realities. He says that a myth that many of us follow is that my primary responsibility is to teach my child to juggle their homework and their extracurricular activities so they can be a well rounded person. We think it’s all about education. The parenting reality and primary responsibility, from God’s perspective, is to teach my child healthy obedience. If I teach them healthy obedience, they’ll do well in school, they’ll do well on the track team or whatever it is, because they learn to come under hearing. They learn right from wrong.

There are many worldly methods that parents use to obtain obedience. See if any of these sound familiar. These are not to be followed, but some of us are guilty of them. One is called the bribing approach. Come to mommy and I’ll give you a sucker. The threatening approach. If you don’t pick up your toys, I’m gonna throw them in the garbage. You had better follow through and you had better hope and pray that it wasn’t legos because those things cost a million dollars; they’re expensive. The emotional appeal, After all I do for you and this is how you treat me. You’re just trying to make them feel sorry for you. Another method is by reasoning; we’re trying to appeal to logic with the two year old toddler who just learned to speak English. But sweetie, your hot dog will get cold if you don’t eat it right now. The yelling method, How many times do I have to scream at you? The countdown method, I’m gonna count to three and if you’re not standing right here… one, two… The child still isn’t moving. They are waiting for three to see if you can count. Finally, there’s the teapot approach; you know how a teapot does when it gets hot. It finally lets off steam. I’ve had all I can take and now you’re going to get it. These are all worldly approaches, but we must repent of our worldly parenting methods.

There’s a better way. Give them something to believe. Teach them right from wrong. Show them how to hear from God on their own. Show them that the standard you have is not something you made up, but just as they’re under you, you’re under God. Your authority comes from God. Teach them this.

2. Show them the way of honor.

So, we’ve dealt with the first imperative, to give them the right standard to obey. The second is to show them the way of honor. We are in verse two, “Honor your father and mother.” It’s in the Greek imperative. It’s a command. He’s quoting one of the Ten Commandments, commandment number five, “ Honor your father and mother.”

The word, honor, could be translated as “value, revere, respect, give them their due.” Honor really has two steps: (1) Recognize that God put them there over you. (2) Give them their worth; give them what is due them. What is due to your parents? Your parents are due honor.

After the first service. I was standing in the lobby, greeting people as they were leaving. One man, probably in my age group, was talking about his eighty year old mother. He said she’s been upset with him the last couple of days. He was trying to help her. I guess this is what happens; once you get to a certain age, you’ve got children on this side of you and your elderly parents on the other. You are in the middle. Sometimes, you get confused as you go. Okay, I need to correct them. I need to raise them. Then, you are concerned about your elderly parents. He probably shouldn’t be driving now. I’m not sure if she should do that… You begin to think that you’re supposed to parent them. Here’s the problem with that: The “honor” word has no time stamp on it. Whatever you’re doing towards your parents, you still have to honor them. You have to revere and respect them. So, this man was telling me, as he was leaving, That point really kicked me in the behind this morning. I need to go over to my mom’s house and apologize to her. I was trying to tell her how to do something and it offended her because she’s my mama. I don’t need to be telling her what to do. I said to the man, Brother, all I do is lay it out there. If the Lord “spanks” you, I just preach the Word and let the chips fall where they may. You know, every time I study, it gets me first because it’s God’s Word.

Show your parents the way of honor. Honor your father and mother. Paul makes note that it’s the first commandment with a promise, In the ten commandments, “God’s top ten,” when you get to number five, it says, “Honor your father and mother, that you may live long.” A comedian once said, “I brought you into this world and I can take you out.” Now, that’s not the best way to discipline your children, but that’s what he said.

God says if you want to live a long life and come under God’s blessing, honor your parents. It also says, “that it may go well with you.” If you’re disobedient to your parents, if you dishonor your parents, you remove yourself from the umbrella of God’s blessings. You’re out there on your own in rebellion. I know what some of you are thinking right now; My father was abusive and he does not deserve any honor from me. Or, maybe you’re thinking of something about your mom. Christian, listen to me as a believer. There’s no exclusion clause on this “honor” word. Figure out how to honor them for something; think about how you can honor them. Think about how you can forgive them, even if they haven’t asked for it. Forgive them; not for their sake, but for yours, so that you are right with God .

The word, honor, here is in the command voice. Honor your father and mother. Respect them. Respect them because God put them there. He gives this statement, “that you may live long in the land.” That makes sense. If you’re living under God’s blessing and you are honoring your parents, it will help you to live longer. “In the land” seems to point to the fact that he was speaking of the nation of Israel, that it will be good for the nation. I think that’s a plus applicable to any nation. God’s blessing leads to a long life. And it has the additional feature that children who honor parents have a stabilizing effect on the nation (“land”) in which they live. For they have learned to honor the authorities that God has put over them in all areas.

You have heard every version of the family, especially in the last twenty years. Look at history; any nation that has fallen or declined, if you look at the foundation stones, it was the family that went down first. Paul says that if you want to live long in the land, in other words, if you want the next generation to continue, teach your children to honor their parents.

Deuteronomy 5:16 (ESV) “Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” We can see clearly that Paul was referring to the fifth commandment of the Ten Commandments from the book of Deuteronomy.

So, how does honor look? How does it look to honor your parents? I remember we used to have a family that went to our church back in the nineties; they had a little daughter who was four or five years old. If she did something wrong, her mom and dad would say to her, How do we obey? She would reply, Immediately, sweetly and completely. They had taught her to say that back.That’s pretty good if you think about it, because slow obedience is no obedience; obey immediately. Obedience must be done without a bad attitude. Teach them to have the right attitude of obedience; immediately and sweetly. Beobedient completely; that’s the third word. How many children test us on all three of these? Partial obedience is not obedience.

Teach them to address you appropriately. Tell them what you want them to call you and then insist upon it. My children all called me “daddy” until somewhere around 8th grade, around middle school. All three of my children switched to “dad.” I guess it wasn’t cool to refer to me as “daddy” any longer. My sons continue to call me “dad; however, because of the influence of Star Wars, occasionally they will say, “my father.” I’ve raised comedians, apparently. My daughter, however, had this rebound thing that happened somewhere in her late teens where she was calling me “daddy” again. She says “daddy” with about 10 syllables, especially if she wants something from me.

Teach your children to say “yes, sir” and “no sir,” “yes, ma’am”and “no, ma’am.” I sometimes hear people that have moved here from the north saying, You southerners with your ‘yes, ma’am, no ma’am,’ stuff. I’m not trying to start a fight; I’m not going to relive the civil war, but let me just say this, there’s a right place for what’s called an “honorific.” Mr. and Mrs. are “honorifics.” There’s a right place for good manners; to teach them this is teaching them honor.

When we go to Uganda, they will introduce us. They’ll often introduce my wife, Robin, as “Mama Robinah.” She’s not their mama but this title is an honorific. She is someone they look up to. There’s several young men in Africa that look up to me and call me “Papa .” I’m not really their papa, but if they write me an email, they write “Papa Gary” at the beginning of the email. Do you think that offends me? No; it honors me. It builds me up.

If you go to other countries, some are taught to call an elder “uncle” or “aunt” even if they’re not related. I remember being in Indonesia and they kept calling me “Uncle Gary.” Why did they call me “Uncle Gary?” But, I get it. You see, one of the things that will cause a culture to become more abrasive to one another is when it takes the affection, love, respect and honor out of it. It is when we take good manners out; when we take the honorifics out.

Children are not born honoring their parents; they must be taught to honor their parents. We must teach them to honor by first honoring them.You reap what you sow; if you sow honor, you reap honor. If you sow love, you reap love. If you sow friendship, you reap friendship. If you are dishonorable to your children, if you’re disrespectful to them, they’re going to have a hard time honoring you. Sow honor and reap honor.

3. Encourage them with sensitivity and consistency.

We are in verse four; it says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” “Do not provoke;” this is the only one of the Greek comparatives that’s in the negative. It says, “do not provoke.” It’s three words in English, but in Greek, it is just one word, parorgizete. It’s in the imperative. I thought I would word it in the positive; encourage them with sensitivity and consistency.

“Fathers, do not provoke your children.” Why is he talking to fathers? It is because God holds fathers accountable to their family. I know the culture is all down on fathers. Fathers are dumb. Watch any sitcom, watch any commercial; fathers are dumb. Fathers can’t do anything. Thank God for mothers because they’re holding the families together. We need our fathers back. I’m thankful for a church where I look around and I see a lot of dads here. Dads, I am thankful for you. Thank you for being here. Thanks for being present. Ladies, don’t you agree that we want strong fathers?

Paul is looking at this; he’s in the first century of Rome. They had such a patriarchal society; fathers had complete domination over their families and they often overdid it. They often provoked their children and their wives. They had the right to life and death. They could sell their children into slavery. They had unlimited freedom of law over their families. Paul, in a way, might be correcting that and saying, Watch out, fathers. You have a lot of authority, but don’t overdo it. Maybe that’s why he says “fathers” instead of “parents.”

The other thing that I think that Paul is saying here is that God holds fathers responsible. Fathers and mothers are to work as a team. Parents are in view because moms can provoke their children, too. You’ve heard my thoughts now on the importance of fathers. Paul says, “do not provoke;” in other words, “don’t rouse your children to wrath.” Don’t exasperate them. Don’t frustrate them. Be careful. He’s reigning in and he’s saying to balance this; we’re to love them.

It says in Romans 12:10 (ESV) “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” In other words, teach them to love you with your affection. Don’t push them over so much that you provoke them.

What are some things that provoke a child to anger? Fault-finding – they can’t get anything right. You’re always telling them what’s wrong. Not spending face-to-face time to build a close relationship – We have a saying in our church about relationships. We say, If you’re going to tell somebody the truth, make sure they trust you. Build a bridge of trust that will bear the weight of truth. You may have heard it said a different way, People don’t care what you know until they know that you care. You want the child to know that your relationship with them is never at risk. I love you, no matter what. So, they’ve got that bridge. Now, you can correct them without them having a fear of somehow losing you or losing your affection. Here’s something else that provokes a child to anger: labeling them. In other words, calling them a name that is not edifying. Calling them “lazy, slow, stupid, dumb, loser…” Children get on your last nerve sometimes. If you lose control of your tongue and call them something deedifying, here’s what you do, because you’ve messed up. Ask him to forgive you. What? They’re my child. How do you teach a child repentance and forgiveness? You teach them repentance and forgiveness by displaying it yourself when you do wrong. You go to your child and say, I lost my temper. I am sorry that I said that. Daddy should have never said that. Please forgive me. It’s amazing what a child will do. They may even cry and say, I forgive you, daddy. They’re so blown away that you’re being humble enough to get down on one knee, face to face, and tell them you have messed up. That’s the best way to teach them is to let them know that you need help from God because you get it wrong sometimes.

Colossians 3:21 (NLT) “Fathers, don’t aggravate your children. If you do, they will become discouraged and quit trying.” Colossians has a list very similar to Ephesians. If you’re reading through the Bible, the apostle Paul wrote both books, one to the church at Ephesus and one to the church at Colossae. He gave him the same instructions for the family. But here’s what he says in Colossians. “Fathers don’t aggravate your children. If you do, they will become discouraged and quit trying.” Don’t provoke them to anger, don’t aggravate them, don’t frustrate them. It’s important to recognize that there’s a limit to how you deal with them if you’re sensitive to your child’s “shape.”

Here’s another thing that will frustrate a child – comparing them with their siblings. Why can’t you be more like your brother? Or, comparing them to a neighbor or to a cousin. Why can’t you be a little more like Sammy? Why can’t you be more like Mary? This will provoke your child to anger. Just think about the way, as a parent, that we sin against their child by forgetting that we are God’s representative. We are bringing this child up before we release him back to the Lord. We are the mediator between God and our children right now. Take this responsibility seriously.

4. Train them with appropriate discipline and instruction.

We are in the last part of verse four, where we are to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. “Train” is one word in the Greek, “ektrephete;” it’s in the imperative, which means it’s a command word. We’ve had “obey.” We’ve had “honor.” We’ve had “don’t provoke.” Lastly, we’ve got to “bring them up.” We could say “train them up, nurse them up, raise them up,” which is the title of this message.

The goal of your job is to bring them from “diapers to maturity.” You receive them as a gift from the Lord. You are raising them up in the Lord and you are returning, releasing them to the Lord. They take the Lord’s hand; they go and live as a mature individual. You have a temporary assignment; you are a steward, raising eternal human beings that have eternal lives and infinite value. Children are not encumbrances or inconsistencies. You, as their parents, are receiving them and raising them up. Then, you release them to the Lord to go and live for the Lord. That’s our job. As a steward, I have a temporary job to give them back to the One that they really belong to, the Lord. Our children don’t belong to us; we have a temporary job. It’s important. Train them up.

Let’s look at the two words: discipline and instruction. Discipline has the idea of something that’s corrective. It might include, and it certainly does in the Greek, the idea of chastisement or physical discipline. Not all, but some included It’s both verbal and physical.

The word, instruction, has more of the idea of the mind, the idea of giving them knowledge and understanding. Discipline and instruction go hand in hand. You need both. You’re giving them the mental understanding but also the physical reinforcement. There are consequences when they disobey, but there is blessing when you do obey. That’s discipline. I want you to understand that in our house we follow the Lord. That’s what you’re doing; you give them the instructions.

When I think of this “bring up or train up,” I can’t help but think about the tomato vines in my backyard right now. I have several tomato vines. I have cherry tomato vines and beefsteak tomato vines. I have some early girl tomato vines. Here’s the thing that’s going on. Three of my tomato plants are coming out of the cages; they are too tall and they’re starting to bend over from the weight. So, I went in my garage and got some posts that are eight ft tall. I tied the vines to the posts. I don’t want them to fall on the ground. A healthy plant needs to go towards the SUN, right? The standard is that straight stake, like our standard is God’s word. Tying the plants off is the “discipline;” I’m training the tomato plant to grow towards the SUN.

Let’s apply this to our children, according to God’s standard. As they go off, because they will, our children are born with “the bends.” They are bent towards sin. They always want to go this way or that way, gravity seems to pull them down the world’s system. Theidea is to always “tie” your discipline back to the standard of God’s word, not your opinion. You’re not trying to point them to the SUN; you are trying to point them to the SON. You’re trying to point them to Jesus.

Proverbs 22:6 (ESV) “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Train up a child in the right way; the way she should go. Discipline your children. It says in proverbs, don’t fail to correct your children, they won’t die if you spank them. Physical discipline may well save them from death. Now, somebody is going to stop me in the lobby. I don’t know which one of you it is going to be, but every time I preach this sermon somebody says, I don’t believe in spanking. Take it up with God. It’s in the Bible.

Dr. Dobson writes in one of his books, I think it’s, “The Willful Child.” He says, You know, God put extra padding on a certain part of the body. Now, I don’t think you spank them their whole life. I think, prior to two years old, they probably don’t understand yet. Then, after eight years old, there’s so many other disciplinary tools you can use, but between the ages of two through eight, is a pretty good season. Take advantage of physical discipline. Parents, If you’ll discipline them between the ages of two and eight, it will be a lot easier between the ages of twelve and eighteen. If you wait until they’re between the ages of twelve and eighteen, you’ve waited too long. You’ve waited too long. Discipline takes a lot of work; it’s tiring, but you’re raising God’s children. You’re raising them up for Him.

Chuck Swindoll writes in his book entitled, “Family Life,” that there’s a distinction of discipline. He lists three categories. He said that there’s a distinction between abuse and discipline. We don’t want to abuse our children. Don’t leave here thinking that you should hurt your children. I’m not saying that. Abuse leaves scars and it does permanent harm. Discipline leaves no scars; in fact, it builds up self esteem and helps the child understand right from wrong. That’s the difference between discipline and abuse. There’s a distinction between crushing the spirit and shaping the will. Does anyone here have a strong willed child? I had a couple. How many of you here were a strong willed child ? I was a strong willed child. My mom didn’t say strong willed; l she said hard headed. Gary Wayne, you’re so hard headed. This meant I was hard to parent I guess.

Speaking of “reaping what you sow,” how many of you, when you had kids, called your mom and said to her, I don’t want to reap what I sow. Did I ever ask you to forgive me… My mom used to say things like, I hope you get one just like you. Moms have power, like prophetic power. She was right.

If you have a strong willed child, you don’t want to crush their spirit. You want to shape it because they’re either going to be in prison or the president. A strong willed child is going somewhere. If you don’t want to break that will, shape it and ask God for wisdom. There’s a difference between the two; don’t provoke them.

Finally, there’s a distinction between normal childishness and willful defiance. There’s a difference between immaturity and rebellion. One of the sad features of my early fathering of my children was getting that wrong, usually out of frustration. We had all three of our children very close together in age. My middle son, Jonathan, to this day, you don’t want to ask him to carry a platter of drinks. Spilling drinks was his thing. If we would go to a restaurant, which was rare with three kids, as soon as we would get our drinks, say the blessing and say amen , the first thing that would happen would be Jonathan’s full cup coming my way. It would fill my plate. I hadn’t even taken a bite yet and my plate was full of milk, splashing over into my lap. I would say to him, Why are you always spilling things? I would slap his hand and he would look at me. He’s only like three or 4 years old; his little fists have the little dimples right where the knuckles are supposed to be. His hands were not mature yet. Do you think he thought, I’m going to pour this milk into my father’s plate and let it splash into his lap? Because I just love to provoke my father. No, he didn’t think that. You know what? He thought nothing. He’s a little kid. What did I do? I sinned against him because I treated it like it was rebellion when it was actually immaturity. That’s where I got it wrong a lot. God forgive me; I am thankful that He’s merciful. I finally, over time, began to learn. My wife was better at it. I’m thankful that God was merciful. I didn’t ruin my kids.

Chip Ingram says that there’s parenting myths and there’s parenting realities, according to God’s word. A parenting myth is that our job is to raise happy kids. Your job is not to raise happy kids. The parenting reality is that we are to raise holy kids; holy and set apart unto God. That’s our job; to teach them about Jesus and to raise them up in the Lord.

If you’re raising your child for the Lord, the most humbling and challenging thing that will drive every parent to their knees is to recognize that no matter how good you do, no matter how right you get this, no matter how well you follow these four imperatives, only God can change the human heart. You can only point your child to the Lord. It’s humbling. It’s terrifying, but God is faithful. Raise your child to know the Lord and follow the Lord.

We have talked about two of the three R’s of parenting. Last week, we talked about receiving. This week, we talked about raising. Next week, we will talk about releasing. Don’t miss it; we’ll talk more about those teenagers next week. We all have something to pray about right now, don’t we? Here’s the warning; you can’t do this without God’s help. Let’s talk to him now.

Lord, first of all, I pray for that person that’s here today that doesn’t know You. They have never given their life to You. Is that you my friend? Right in your seat, right now, you can pray. Prayer is just talking to God. You can pray right now. Pray with me, Dear Lord Jesus, I’m a sinner. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I’ve fallen short, but I believe You died on the cross for me and that You were raised from the grave and that You live today. I believe You did that to save me from my sin. Would You come into my life? I believe in You. Forgive me of my sin and make me the person You want me to be. I want to be a child of God. I want you as my Lord and Savior. If you prayed that prayer, believing, He will save you. He will make you a child of God. His Spirit will come and live in you and empower you to be the mom, the dad or the son or daughter that God called you to be. Others are here and you’ve done that. You have the Lord in your life. You’re a believer, but you’ve got some stuff to repent. All of us do. Any time we hear God’s word, there’s something that needs to change. Lord, thank You that You’ve already forgiven us. Now, help us to face up to it, Lord, and to say, I want to do better, but I can’t do it without You. Yet, in Christ, I can do all things, so Lord come and help me. Give me a fresh sense of Your forgiveness and be merciful towards my children and especially my teenager. Lord, help me right now to be honoring my parents. In Jesus’ name. Amen.