Staying Together
Better Together

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Good morning, church! It’s good to see all of you here this morning. We’re in week three of our series entitled, “Better Together.” We’re discussing how God has created us for Himself and for one another. He, first of all, made us for Himself. He made us so that we could have communion with Him and be in a relationship with Him. Then, He also made us for each other.

Do you remember the first thing that God said wasn’t good? Remember how He made everything in creation? He said that it was good. He looks at Adam and thinks that there’s something missing. It’s not good for man to be alone. It’s not good for us to be alone; we’re better together, but here’s the problem: We don’t always do what’s best for ourselves, do we?

We often do the exact opposite and, as a result, we struggle with relationships. We, first of all struggle with our relationship with God because we think we can do it ourselves . We think we can do it without God.That’s an attitude that the bible calls “sin.” It’s where you say, “I’m going to do it my way rather than Your way. I think I can do it better myself.” It leads to brokenness between ourselves and God. We, as a result of that, will often say, Well, I don’t need anybody. I’ve been hurt by people, therefore, I don’t trust people. We end up hurting ourselves and we leave a trail of broken relationships.

How many of you have felt that pain, the pain of a broken relationship? There’s nothing like it; it’s worse than physical pain. The pain of the soul, the pain of emotion, of a broken relationship. If you’ve been alive for any period of time, then you know that hurt. You know the hurt of broken relationships. Whether it’s with your parents, whether it’s with your siblings, with your children , with a teenager, in your marriage, at church, in your community group, your small group, co-worker, neighbor or friend.

Sometimes somebody will hurt us and it will be so severe that we will say to ourselves, I don’t think I could ever forgive that person. What they did was unforgivable. We begin to say, I need to cut them out of my life, I need to cut that person off. I’ve got to stop this relationship. That’s kind of the mark of many of us, as our lives are filled with this past trail of people we’ve left behind. We just can’t reconcile with that person. It doesn’t have to be this way. It’s better if we can learn to get along and stay together.

In the first week of this series, we talked about how the first century church was marked by its togetherness and how they were devoted to these four devotions that caused this togetherness that really turned the world upside down.

Last week, we talked about how we need each other to grow as believers. The idea of being a “lone ranger,” Christian, is a commitment to be a baby Christian the rest of your life. You’ll never grow up without one another. In fact, if you look up the word or the phrase, “one another” in the Bible, you’ll find, in the New Testament, that there are 100 “one another” commands. As we’ve been learning, church, “you can’t do the ‘one anothers’ without ‘one another’.” We’re better together. We need each other.

As we have been looking at the apostle Paul’s letters, we have talked about what it looks like to be together. We have talked about how it helps us grow. This week, we’re going to talk about how to stay together. As we look at the apostle Paul’s letter to the church at Ephesus, he gave specific instructions on how they could stay together and stay unified as the body of Christ. I believe that we can follow these instructions and we can stay unified. We can “hang in there” for each other.

As we look at the text today, I think we’ll see five instructions. That’s right. I said five. I had two Sundays off; I’m coming back with five points, okay? I haven’t preached in two Sundays. I’m coming back with a “five pointer.” It will be okay; we’ll get through it together. You’ll need to put your seatbelts on because we’re going to go fast and there’s some curves in the road.

Ephesians 4:25-32 (ESV) 25 “ Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil. 28 Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. 29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” This is God’s word. Amen.

Five Instructions for staying together as one body in Christ: 1. Face conflict truthfully.

In other words, put off lying and falsehood. Put on truthful speech. Start telling each other the truth. Walk in truth. Notice that verse 25 begins with an important word. It’s the word, “therefore.” Any time you see the word, “therefore,” in the bible, what should you ask? “What’s it there for?” It’s like an equal sign in the text. It’s referring to something that happened just prior in the scripture that results in what we’re about to see.

If you go back a few verses, Paul says, in Ephesians 4:22-24 (ESV) “ … put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” Paul is using this clothing metaphor to talk about our new life in Christ. He’s saying you have a new self now; you have a new identity. You need to put off your former character traits like it’s clothing. Put off your old self and put on your new self. Put off the flesh, put off the old sin nature and put on the new righteous nature in Jesus. That’s the background leading up to the word, “therefore.” Paul goes with the big idea that there’s something to put off; there’s an old identity and an old way of living that we must put off. There’s a new way of living with God and with one another that we are to put on.

Paul wants to get more specific. Starting at verse 25, there’s some stuff to put off and some stuff to put on.Specifically, in verse 25, he begins with this idea of putting off falsehood and putting on truth, being truthful with one another, authentic and real. First of all, he says to put off falsehood. There is an interesting greek word here: ψεῦδος, pseudos. It sounds familiar, right? If we say someone is “pseudo,” we say they are fake; we say they are counterfeit. They’re not being authentic. It’s this idea of putting off your old, lying clothes, putting off your old fake self . We’ve got a social media app that’s created to help us do that. Actually, there are a couple of them. There’s instagram and there’s facebook, where, basically, you can take pictures of yourself and of what you’re doing in life and make it look like you have a better life than you do. There are these special photo apps where you can improve your appearance and make yourself look younger. That way, other people on social media can look and say, “Oh girl, you’re looking good!” Then, you feel better about yourself, but it’s your pseudo self. Social media can be a great thing. It can help you keep in touch with people, but it’s not the same as face to face and in person. It’s not the same as being in a relationship, being your true self, being your authentic self rather than your pseudo self.

Paul says to put off your pseudo self and put on your true self in Christ. Start being honest and authentic about who you are. Then, he says, “speak the truth.” He’s not saying “speak your mind;” he’s not saying “get it off your chest.” He’s saying to be truthful. This is why we grow up better together because, as the bible says, “iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Sure, sparks fly from time to time, but if we stay together, we will learn together and we will speak the truth to each other.

Verse 25 says this, “speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.” Now, it doesn’t matter what color your skin is. It doesn’t matter what your background is. If you’re in Christ, you are family. You are members of one another. Start thinking of each other in this new way, not looking at the outward, but being aware of the new identity.

Read 2 Corinthians 5:16 (ESV) “From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh.” In other words, we don’t just regard people according to their outward appearance or who they’ve been, where they’ve been or what they’ve done. Now, we regard them spiritually. As a result, if you really love somebody, you’ll be truthful with them and you will begin to walk in truth with one another.

Here’s a warning he gives, earlier in chapter four; he moderates this truthfulness with love. Look at what he says in Ephesians 4:15 (ESV) “Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ.” It’s this truthful life, this authentic life that we have with each other that helps us grow up. We’re to moderate it by having the right motivation of loving one another as members of the body of Christ. It’s loving people and saying the truth in a way they can hear it, making sure they first of all know that they are loved.

We have a saying at our church that we often use, “Build a bridge of trust that will bear the weight of truth.” We want to love people and build a bridge of trust. The old cliche is, “People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.” And so, we want to love people, but we also want to tell the truth.

There are some extremes to avoid and so I’ve given them names; extremes to avoid that get too far into the truth ditch or too far into the “pseudo.” Here’s the first one: “Pseudo Susie.” I don’t know if we have any “Pseudo Susie’s” in the house; she’s offended, but when you ask her, she says, “No, no. I’m fine. Nothing’s bothering me.” And then, she goes and tells her friends what you did to her. Okay, that’s “Pseudo Susie.” She won’t tell you the truth.

Then, there is “Hypersensitive Sally.” Everything offends her. If you just look at her wrong, she’s offended, because her identity comes from you, not Christ. And so, she’s constantly offended and constantly hurt. She hasn’t learned to truthfully look in the mirror. Here’s the other thing; she probably won’t stay in a relationship long enough to hear another Christian say to her, “Honey, what is it that’s causing you to be so easily offended all the time? Can we talk about that? Why is that?” It often goes back to something in their childhood or something earlier that they need to work out. They need the body of Christ, together working that out with them.

What about “Lightning Bolt Larry?” Do we have any “Lightning Bolt Larry’s” in the house? They just love telling the truth. They’ve got opinions about everything and they throw them like “lightning bolts” everywhere they go. “Lightning Bolt Larry” is not very loving. He doesn’t think about how they’re receiving it and so forth. And besides, his truth might just be “his truth.” It might not always be the truth.

And then, I thought it would be only fair to name one after myself: “Gotcha Gary.” I don’t know about you, but I hate it when “Gotcha Gary” comes and says, “I gotcha!” He’s always finding trouble. He’s always looking for a correction. He says, “I gotcha!” with a smile on his face. If you’re going to come in and say you got me with something, please come with at least one tear in your eye,okay? It will make it easier for me to hear it. Tell me with a little bit of love. You can say, “I hate to tell you this, but I need to help you with something.” Don’t be a “Gotcha Gary.” He’s too judgmental. He’s not loving enough. Put off your “pseudo self” and put on your authentic, true self. You can do this if you get in relationship with people and stay there.

I hear people say, “I can’t have a community group at my house because my house is a mess.” Have it there anyway; ask some people to help you with organization. “I can’t go to community group because I have had a bad day and I just had a shower.” Go anyway. My community group knows that when I wear these strange looking glasses, my eyes are tired. I’ll just pop my glasses on and I have people look at me and tell me, “I didn’t know you wore glasses.” Yeah, I wear glasses. My eyes were hurting and this is my family. I need to be real. I need to tell them the truth about who I am and then, we accept one another. Truthfully be authentic, stop being “pseudo.” Put that off and put on truth.

2. Handle anger appropriately.

Here’s number two: Handle anger appropriately. Put off sinful, uncontrolled rage and put on anger that is controlled and handled appropriately. It might surprise you that the bible says, in verse 26, “be angry.” Shouldn’t it say, “don’t be angry?” Why does it say that? It says “be angry and do not sin.” It’s because the bible recognizes that anger is an emotional response to a felt offense and if it’s righteous anger, it’s good. Does God get angry? Yes. Does God sin? No, because God’s anger is under His control and He never lets His anger cause Him to act unrighteously.

The problem with us is our anger gets us out of control and we act unrighteously. You’re going to get angry. If the bible said, don’t get angry, then we couldn’t even start to keep that command. But, when you get angry, when it happens, because it will, don’t sin. Don’t use it as an excuse to sin. That’s what he is saying . Keep it under control; in your anger do not sin. “Do not let the sun go down on your anger,” it says in verse 26. There’s a clock ticking when you’re offended and you feel angry: there’s a sense of urgency that needs to happen. Don’t let it go. Don’t let the sun go down on it, handle it quickly because here’s the problem, if you keep it inside and pin it up, it turns to bitterness and then what you’ll do is you’ll start imagining offenses at that point. If you haven’t addressed it with the person, then the next time you talk to them, you’ll start stacking it on top of that original offense and it begins to break down the relationship instead. Keep your accounts small. Handle things as they come and handle them, communicating authentically, truthfully and lovingly.

If you’re married and you have a fight, if you go tobed and you’re still mad at each other. You know this. Many of you have tried this, you go to bed and you’re hugging your side of the bed because you don’t want any body part to touch the other person because you’re mad at them. You don’t want to touch them. You are hanging onto your side of the bed. You don’t even want to breathe because that’s an admission that you’re in the room. And so, you just hold your breath. Then you’ll hear the other person all of a sudden make a big blow sound. Then, they hold their breath again because, you know, she’s supposed to be the one asking for forgiveness. And so, you’re laying there, waiting for them to get right with Jesus. If you stay that way, that will be one miserable night. There’s two of you in the bed, but when you wake up the next morning, the next part of the verse says, “and do not give an opportunity to the devil.” Some translations say, “Do not give the devil a foothold.” You go to bed and there’s two of you in the bed. When you wake up, there’s three of you in the bed because your anger turns to bitterness. Now you start thinking, “She ruined my good night’s sleep.” Now, you’ve added to the offense and you start your day mad. The bible says to handle it. Don’t let the sun go down on it and don’t give an opportunity to the devil. Don’t let him have a foothold in your life because that kind of anger that you hang on to gives an opportunity and temptation for sin to take place in that relationship.

It says in James 1:19-20 (ESV) 19 “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” Be slow to anger and asked the Holy Spirit, say, “should I be angry right now or is it because I’m being too sensitive? Should I give him grace right now because he didn’t mean it?” If there’s an offense there and you can’t let go of it, go talk to them and address it.

Men, we hate admitting when something has hurt our feelings and say that it offended us. You need to talk about that, but be slow and take your time. Proverbs 14:29 (NLT) “Those who control their anger have great understanding; those with a hasty temper will make mistakes.” Oh man! How many of us would confess, I blew it, I blew my top. I said things I didn’t mean. I wish I could put those words back in my mouth.

If you read the bible and you start off in the book of Genesis, you don’t have to read far before you get to chapter four and you find the first time that it mentions that man got angry. His name was Cain; he was the firstborn child of Adam and Eve. He got angry; we see the first murder in the bible, where he murdered his brother, Abel. Gen 4:28 (NIV) “ … The LORD looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. Then the LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it.” Now Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.” And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.”

Some of us have grown up in a home where a father, a mother or somebody in the family is that “tiger” that rules your house. That anger breaks the whole family to pieces. Let the holy spirit help you get your anger under control. You must master it. But, Cain did not master it. No, he went out, from hearing God’s warning, God told him that sin was crouching at his door but he must master it. He went out and he invited his brother to go out into a field and there, he killed his only brother, Abel. And so, the first murder in humanity’s history took place. Simple rage and uncontrolled anger always kills relationships. It’s a relationship murderer. Get your anger under control. Learn to handle it appropriately. Put it off, that’s your old life, and put on this new way of handling anger under the spirit’s control.

3. Work to give generously.

Work to give generously. Put off stealing and put on laboring and giving. He’s still saying, “put this off, put this on.” Since we’re talking about relationships, let’s apply it in that manner. Certainly, we could just say that Paul was referring to the fact that there were some people who used to be thieves in the church and they needed to stop stealing. Even more than that, stop breaking one of the ten commandments, “Do not steal.” Begin to go beyond that, start working and start being generous. Start giving. That’s true what he’s saying, but if we apply to relationships, let’s say it like this, “Don’t be a relationship thief. Don’t just be a taker, be a giver.” People get tired in relationships.You want friends. People just are not good to me. Nobody is friendly at that church. The people in that small group aren’t friendly. Are you sowing friendship? If you sow friendship, you will receive friends. If you want to be loved, be loving. If you want friends, be friendly. If you want somebody to smile at you, try smiling. Let’s see how you’re doing today; some of you won’t try for fear that your face will crack. Come on. Just try smiling. If you want somebody to smile, smile yourself. If you want friends, be friendly. Do you want a family? Start acting like a brother or a sister. Work at it. Stop being a relationship thief. Put that off. Start investing in people. Start laboring at it and caring about people, so you have something to share.

Hebrews 13:16 (ESV) “Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.” I heard you pastor, okay? I’m going to go to one of those small groups, one of those community groups. I’m going to go. But then, you go and you sit there and you don’t answer any questions. You don’t tell anybody what’s going on in your life. You just sit there and then you leave and say, I don’t see what anybody gets out of that thing. Well, you know why? You didn’t put anything into it. You get what you put into it. Get in there and get real. Tell people what’s going on in your life. Start praying for one another and caring for one another.

Maybe, somebody in your community group loses their job. Your community group comes together and says, You know what, let’s take up a collection for this person and they pay their mortgage payment. They don’t even call the office of the church. It happens all the time in our community groups. Somebody in your community group has a baby. Your community group gives them meals for a week. Somebody in your community group is in the hospital; your group takes care of that family’s needs. Your community group starts being the church.

I have people tell me this all the time, “My community group is more like my family than my biological family because we care for each other. We love each other. We pray for each other. We work at it.” Some of you didn’t want to come to church today. Some of you had a fight on the way to church in your car. You’re looking at me like, How did you know? It’s because I’m a human too. I didn’t have a fight today because I came in the car by myself. It was close, though; I almost had an argument with myself.

I can still remember coming to church; me, my wife and my three “crumb snatchers” in the back seat looking at me. I’m looking in the rear view mirror feeling completely intimidated because somebody was going to tear something up. Somebody was going to start a fight, He touched me. By the time we would get to church, I would say in of the car, Shut up! Stop touching each other! Then, we get out of the car, seeing people and saying, Hey, good morning! We love Jesus! That’s what you call a “pseudo” Christian, right? Some of you are doing that, right? That’s why you are laughing so hard.

But you have to put something into a community group. You have to invest so you will want to go. Have you ever noticed the things that are most helpful and the best for you don’t come natural? They’re not part of your old life. You have to work at it. Work to give generously.

4. Communicate gracefully.

Can you believe it? We’re on instruction number four! I know you were worried, but look at us; we’re on page two. We are on the back page of the notes. Look at verse 29, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” No corrupting talk; put off corrupting talk. In other words, put off unwholesome talk. Put on graceful talk; the kind of talk that builds others up. Beautiful language. Put on the kind of language that people love to hear and no corrupting talk. Verse 29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up.”

Corrupting talk, in the Greek, has the idea of something that’s rotten, like rotten fish, rotten meat or rotten fruit. Something that smells bad. Would you agree that this has become the language of our culture? Whether it be a movie or tv show or just walking through walmart; wherever you go, there’s been a shift downward in our language towards corrupt talk, stinky talk. If you have stinky thinking you have stinky language, it comes out of the way you think and the way you hear things.

Paul says to the church at Ephesus and he says to our church this morning, Start thinking about what’s coming out of your mouth. Does it tear people down? Does it cause them to be discouraged? Put that off. That’s the way you used to talk, complaining, discouraging talk. Filthy talk. Slandering other people, stop that. Put that off and put on the kind of talk that is only such as is good for building up. This Greek word here has the idea of building a house. Your words should make people feel better having heard them. Your words should bless people; your words should encourage people. He says start talking to each other so that you can’t wait to get back together because of the way the others around you make you feel better. Like, this place becomes like an enclave of an otherworldly family, so different from the world because we talk so beautifully to each other. We build each other up, edifying each other so beautifully.

When my daughter, Erin, was about three or four years old, (she’s the youngest child; we had two boys and a girl), I would be reading the newspaper or watching the news or something on tv after coming home from work and she would climb up in my lap. She would say, “Daddy, look at me.” We couldn’t just talk unless I was looking at her. She would take my face between her hands and she’d say, “Look at me, daddy.” I would look at her. Sometimes, when I would look at her, she would forget what she wanted to say because my attention and “high beam” eyes were on her. Then, she would remember and she’d tell me whatever it was. Then, I’d say, “Where did you get those brown eyes?” “I got them from you, daddy.” “That’s right, because do you know who you are?” “I’m your baby girl.” “That’s right.” “You’re my baby girl.” “Do you know who made our eyes this color?” “Jesus did.” “That’s right, Jesus made them.” “Do you know how beautiful you are? You’re the most beautiful little girl on planet earth. I love you so much. I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening to you just now. But, I’m listening to you now.” And she would lean her ear towards my mouth, to put some more of that in her ears. She wanted to hear those words. They were beautiful words. They told her who she was, where she came from and that she’s a member of a family. She belongs to a daddy who loves her and God made her. These were the little conversations with my three or four year old daughter.

People never get past that. They still need beautiful words, edifying words, “as fits the occasion.” If it’s a wedding, those kind of words. If it’s a funeral and you’re waiting in line to talk to someone who is grieving, those kind of words. If it’s someone who just had a baby, those kind of words; “as fits the occasion.” Someone looks discouraged; Lord, give me words to encourage them. They look happy; help me to join them in their happiness. They look sad; Lord, help me to join them in their tears. Help me, Lord, to “fit the occasion.”

He goes on. He says, “that it may give grace to those who hear grace.” This beautiful word, “grace, means “unmerited favor.” It makes them just overflow with favor.

Can you do that? Yes, members of Christ’s body, you can do that because the Holy Spirit lives in you and He can give you the words to say, to edify and build others up. Watch your mouth. Some of us need to put a bar of “Holy Spirit soap” in your mouth and say, Come on, Lord! Clean my mouth up. Help me.

Colossians 4:6 (ESV) “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” Come on, we can do this, church. We can start giving each other beautiful, graceful words.

5. Pursue unity forgivingly.

We are in the final three verses, verses 30 through 32. Paul hits us “right between the eyes” with something that is just unexpected. Verse 30, “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.”

What? I thought we were talking about relationships. The Holy Spirit is the one who makes us one. He’s in the room right now, when you “get sideways” with each other and you don’t reconcile, it grieves him. When you speak corrupt words to each other, it grieves him. When you lie to each other, it grieves him. When you’re unforgiving and angry, it’s like someone died. The word, “grief,” has the idea of overwhelming sorrow. How could the one who has unconquerable joy open himself up to such sorrow? He’s done it by becoming one with us because we believe in Jesus. The Holy Spirit, now, has sealed us. The word, “seal,” has the idea of something that’s been made secure.

I love to put a little cream in my coffee. I like this french vanilla cream that you can buy to put in your coffee. The problem is, if it’s my turn to open a new one can, I can’t get the seal inside of the top off. It’s not just for security, it’s impenetrable. I always get my needle nose pliers out to get that thing off. Then, I screw the lid back. My creamer had a seal on it to keep it safe. But not only that, a seal is not just something that secures, but it’s also a seal of authenticity that says that this truly is what it claims to be.

When you have the Holy Spirit, it’s a seal of authenticity. You are a child of God, secure in the Holy Spirit. He’s the authenticating one, the one who seals you, the one who keeps you secure in him. You’re offending him when you mistreat one another. If you’re attuned to the Holy Spirit, you’ll feel it in your soul, you lose sleep. Man, I feel like somebody died. It’s not you, it’s the Holy Spirit. He’s saying to you, You need to make it right. You are feeling, Come on, I feel like they did me wrong. Come on Lord. The Holy Spirit urges, No, go to them. Remember what it says in Matthew? “If your brother has offended you, go to him, even if you’re not the wrongdoer. It’s still on you to go make it right.” It grieves the spirit.

What does it mean “to be sealed for the day of redemption?” We are fully redeemed already,but The day of redemption is that day when we are with Him face to face and we receive a new glorified body. We are fully with the Lord. We are in that “already, not yet, space of time” right now. So that day of redemption is the day of the Lord; the day when the Lord brings us home to be with Him right. We’re sealed to that day, authenticated and made safe. We grieve Him when we don’t get right with each other.

In verses 31 and 32, Paul gives a list of things, 31 “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Put off bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander and especially malice. Bitterness is like something that poisons a relationship. Literally in the Greek, it has the idea of a poison, a sap that’s so bitter to the taste that it could kill you. Bitterness is poison to relationships. It’s poison to a church. Wrath is acute anger that lashes out, like a “hot head.” It’s uncontrolled anger. Unresolved anger is more chronic and unrelenting, like a bowling pot that hasn’t quite boiled over. Clamor is like banging pots together. It’s very irritating. It’s a person who says, Just like look at me, look at me, look at me! Slander means to lie on somebody in order to hurt their reputation; it’s lying with intent. Malice is wicked, ill will, a desire to do evil to someone; to hurt someone. Paul tells us that we must put all that stuff off. We must put off “getting even;” you gotta put that off. That’s the old nature, that’s who you used to be, Get rid of it, put it off and put on.

Paul closes with verse 31; be kind to one another, be nice. Start there; be friendly. Remember to smile. Try to smile and be nice; be kind to one another. Be tenderhearted to one another. Don’t be so hard on each other. Be tenderhearted, compassionate, show sympathy, show tenderness and show gentleness.

Finally, the big one is forgiving one another. “… forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Forgiving one another, how? “As God in Christ forgave you.” He’s forgiven me of everything. While I was still a sinner, Christ loved me so much that He died for me and forgave me of all my sins. We are supposed to forgive people in that same way. This is what Paul is saying here. If you’ve received Christ as your Lord and Savior, that forgiveness has washed you clean and it’s given you an excess deposit of forgiveness in your bank account, so that now, when someone offends you, you can just “stroke them forgiveness checks.” There is this endless supply for you; forgive people. Be forgiving, show grace to people. Stop being so easily offended. If you are “stuck” and you can’t seem to get it right, meet with them. Talk to them and find forgiveness. Don’t give up; stay together and work it out. Stay at the table. Don’t push away from the table. Learn to forgive. Colossians 3:13 (NIV) “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

There was a woman named Corrie Ten Boom, who was hiding Jews during World War II from the Nazis. She and her family were hiding them. They built a little place in their house, a false wall. She wrote a book about it, called “The Hiding Place.” Maybe, you’ve read it. The Nazis found out she was hiding Jews in their home and so, they put her family in a concentration camp. In that camp, her entire family, except for Corrie, died, including her sister, who was in the same camp with her. Seared by this terrible “trial by fire,” Corrie was the only one who survived, not only physically, but spiritually. Her faith grew, under trial, and she began to travel around Germany and Europe and even around the world giving her testimony about how God saves. On one occasion, in 1947, she was speaking at a church in Munich and she noticed a balding man in a gray suit at the back of the church that morning. She had been speaking of God’s forgiveness. Her heart froze when she saw the man because she recognized him. He was one of the guards at the Ravensbruck concentration camp. He was one of the meanest, cruellest guards there. When she saw him, she didn’t see the old man, she saw the Nazi in his uniform and she froze. She had suffered some of the most horrible indignities, along with her sister who died there, from this man. As he came down the aisle, at the end of her message, he extended his hand and said, “Thank you for that wonderful message. It’s so good to hear about the forgiveness that we have in Jesus.” Corrie had spoken so easily of God’s forgiveness, but here was a man whom she despised, a man that she condemned with every fiber of her being. She couldn’t take his hand, his extended hand. She couldn’t extend forgiveness to this Nazi oppressor. She realized that this man didn’t remember her. She could never forget him. “You mentioned Ravensbruck,” the man continued, his hands still extending to her. He said, “I was a guard there. I did terrible things there. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I’ve come to know Jesus as my Lord and Savior and I’m so glad He’s forgiven me of all my sins and all the cruel things I’ve done to people. And please, if you would, I would like to hear from your lips too that God has forgiven me.” Corey writes this in her book. Her response, she says, “I stood there, I whose sins had again and again been forgiven, and I could not forgive. It could not have been many seconds that he stood there, with his hand held out. But, to me, it seemed like hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I’d ever had to do, for I had to do it. I knew that it was as simple and as horrible as that. I still stood there, with the coldness clutching my heart. Woodenly, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one that was stretched out to me. And as I did an incredible thing took place. A current started in my shoulder that raced down my arm and it sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood over my whole being , bringing tears to my eyes. And I heard myself say, ‘I forgive you, brother.’ And I cried with all my heart and for a long moment we grasped each other’s hands. The former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God’s love so intensely as I did that day.”

See what happens? See what happens when we learn to forgive? The Holy Spirit’s grief is replaced with overcoming joy and love. “You can’t do the one anothers without one another.” We’re better together, people. We need one another.

Let’s pray. Lord, thank you for Jesus, Thank you that the forgiveness that we can extend to others is, first of all, given to us through you, Lord. There may be someone here this morning, maybe it’s you, my friend that I’m talking to, that came in on a thin thread. You’ve been running from God. But today you’re ready to stop running. Would you right now, pray along with me, right in your seat, right where you’re at. Dear Lord Jesus, I’m a sinner. I need Your forgiveness. I know You died on the cross for me. You died on the cross for my sins. You were raised on the third day and You live today. I believe that. Would You come into my life, forgive me of my sin and make me a child of God. I want You. I receive You as my Lord and Savior today. If you’re praying that prayer, believing, He will not only save you and forgive you, but He’ll help you go to work on the broken relationships with others, too. Maybe that’s what someone else needs to pray today. Are you a believer? You’ve asked Jesus into your life, but there’s a broken relationship that’s coming to your mind right now. Maybe it’s with a parent or a child or sibling. Maybe it’s with a friend, a coworker or a spouse. Whoever it is, would you give it to the Lord right now and hear the Holy Spirit speak? Would you say, I repent, Lord . Help me to be reconciled to that person, to give and receive forgiveness. Lord, help me to be one that puts off and puts on the new self, the new identity in Jesus. We pray, in Christ’s name. Amen