The Flying Trapeze – Marriage
Family Circus

Transcript

All right. Good morning, church. Good to see you. This morning we're continuing our series entitled, “Family Circus.” And you're probably thinking this morning we could have stayed home and had a family circus.

We’ve got one of those at our house. But the truth is, no family is perfect. And the mistake we often make is trying to pursue perfection rather than pursuing God's blessing,because God offers his blessing for those families that would come under his authority and under his word. And so that's what we're talking about during this series.

Now this is a five week series, and you can see that last week we had an introduction talking about the family. Today we'll be talking about marriage. Next week, parenting. On the 11th, we'll talk about singleness. We have a lot of times when we're going through a family series like this, the singles have told me they feel left out.

So you get your own sermon this time. And then grandparents, and I've heard in recent years, when are you going to do one on grandparents? Well, here comes one on August 18. So that's what's ahead. Now take a look at this Family Circus cartoon.

This is from the Keene family. It was first established by Bil Keene, who passed away in 2011. Now his son, Jeff, carries on the family legacy of producing this cartoon in syndication from many newspapers and other places. Now, I like this little cartoon. It says, this is actually little Jeffy, who is now the guy who draws the cartoon.

He's depicted saying, “People getting married always hold hands to make sure the ‘gagement ring doesn't fall off.” So how are you doing? Has the ‘gagement ring fallen off? How are you doing today? Are you making sure you hold hands, or do you need to re-engage in your marriage?

Do you need to re- engage your commitment to one another? When's the last time you held hands? And if you're sitting near your spouse right now, it might be a good way to start practicing. Just go ahead and hold hands during this message. Don't squeeze, to send Morse codes when you want the other person to listen.

Maybe you should. Maybe that's a good idea. Hey, make sure you take notes on this one. Now, speaking of holding hands, we decided to call this message, “The Flying Trapeze,” because it's kind of a leap of faith, isn't it?

Marrying somebody and saying things like, “til death do us part?” It's really like a leap of faith. There's that moment where you're hanging in the air and thinking, I hope he hangs on to me. I hope she doesn't let go. And how are you feeling about that?

Are you hanging on tight to one another? Are you holding hands to make sure the ‘gagement ring doesn't fall off? Are you experiencing the blessing of God's blessing on your life and on your family's life? The truth is that we can. We can experience God's blessing.

We'll be looking at the book of Ephesians, chapter five today. The apostle Paul gave instructions to the family of God at the city of Ephesus on how to follow God's design for the family. And I believe that we can follow God's design for the family and for marriage. And as we look at this, I believe that we can come under God's blessing as we follow these three instructions on following God's design for family and for marriage. Let's look at it.

We're at verse 22 and following in chapter five of Ephesians. Ephesians 5:22-33 (ESV) 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. This is God's word. Amen. We're looking for three instructions, and you'll notice that Paul clearly tells us who the instruction belongs to. He begins with wives.

1. WIVES: Willingly follow your husband.

Wives willingly follow your husband. Wives willingly follow your husband. Now, wives, don't be concerned. Paul gets to husbands next. But he begins with wives.

It's an interesting choice that he makes, because he calls the husband to be the head of the house, and he calls the wife to submit. Why didn't he start with husbands? I believe he began his instruction to wives because the kind of leadership he wants the husband to give is servant leadership, which means he needs his wife's permission in order to lead. He is not to be a dictator. His wife willingly “surrenders the keys to the car and says, ‘you drive.’”

She willingly submits. Otherwise, he can't be the husband he's supposed to be. I think that's why he begins with wives. There are really three key words I want us to zero in on as it concerns the instruction to wives. The first word is the most difficult.

At least in our culture today, it's the most difficult - “submit.” The next word is “head and body.” It's the organic description of the husband being the head and the wife being the body. And then the third word is “respect.”

Let's begin with that first word. It's the word, “submit.” Can I use a little Greek on you here this morning? A little Greek? The Greek word here, the Greek verb is “hupotassesthe.”

We get the word, “hupotassesthe.” We translate that into English today by using the prefix “hupo.” So if you say “hypodermic,” we mean “under the skin, something that goes under.” So “hupo” means under; “tasso,” in the Greek, means to “align or to line up, to put something in order.” And so, literally, the Greek word is translated, “submit.”

Here, “hupotassesthe”means “to line up under.” That's what the word means. It's in a voice in the Greek that we don't have an equivalent in the English language. And it's in the Greek middle voice, which means to command yourself without external stimuli. You make a decision within your own heart to do this, not because your husband is worthy of it, nor should the husband be saying, ‘wife, submit to me.’

The word says so. Husbands, that's not your deal. The word says for you to love your wife. We see that in verse 25.

Her response is not really to you at all. Her response of submission to you is an internal decision she's made to follow Jesus. It's not because you earned it. It's not because you're worthy of it, husbands. It's because Jesus is worthy of it.

And so, “wives, submit to your husbands as unto the Lord.” And so as you're in alignment with the Lord Jesus, so line up unto your husband. I'm spending a little extra time there because it's culturally a problem today, isn't it? And it's really a sin problem. It goes all the way back to the fall.

It's what the flesh does. The flesh, it doesn't matter if it's what the command is in the Bible, the flesh or the sin nature always pushes back against God's word. It's like the default response. Look at what the Lord said to Adam and Eve right after they sinned. To the woman, it says, Genesis 3:16 (ESV) To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;

in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”

And so he says that now, because of sin, the curse of sin, you were made to be able to give birth to children, but now it's going to hurt. And you were made to be a partner with your husband, but now that's going to hurt. And actually you're going to want his job, because your sin nature rebels against God's word, and you're going to want to be the head.

You're going to want what's contrary. And in a like manner, the husband is going to want to lead like a dictator. He's going to want to use his strength rather than to use the power of love. John Piper says, “When sin has the upper hand in woman, she will desire to overpower or exploit man. And when sin has the upper hand in man, he will respond with his strength to subdue her, or rule over her.”

And so the sin nature is contrary. It's against God's plan for marriage. And so that's a problem. And so we have to bring it under the submission, first, to the Lord.

Can I give you three quick reasons for why a woman's submission is important? The first is because it's fitting or appropriate for a christian wife. Colossians 3:18 (NIV84) Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Here's a second reason - because it brings you into alignment with God's word. Titus 2:4-5 (ESV) 4 “and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”

The Greek word for “reviled” there is “blasphemo,” so that your behavior doesn't blaspheme the word that you claim to be following. Here's a third reason why submission is important for the christian wife.

And take note that this is from 1 Peter. People often accuse the apostle Paul of being the only one who teaches this, but it's not true. We see it throughout scripture here, the apostle Peter is teaching it. He says, 1 Peter 3:1-2 (NIV84) 1 “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” And so that's a good third reason, especially if your husband is an unbeliever, that it's actually your submission that might be the greatest influence on him becoming a believer.

So that's the first word. The first word, the key verb to the wife is ‘wives, line up under your husband, submit to your husband.’ Here's the second key word I told you. It's that word,

“head” or “body.” The head belongs to the husband, the body to the wife. If you look at the metaphor that Paul's using here, notice he doesn't say president. He doesn't say dictator or CEO of the husband. He calls him “head,” which is an organic term.

What would a head be without a body? So the body supports the head. And so this is the imagery that Paul is using. So headship is about function, not about quality. So the husband hasn't earned it.

He's been appointed by God's grace. In fact, Paul teaches in 1 Corinthians 11:3 (ESV) “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.”May I ask you a question? Is Jesus Christ God?

Yes. Clearly the Bible teaches this. The Bible teaches that God is one and that he is in three distinct personalities, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. And so Jesus is equal to God, yet he submits to God. Does his submission nullify his equality?

No. It shows that there is mutual submission within the Godhead, that the son submits to the father and the spirit submits to the Son, yet they are one. And so marriage is a picture of this. Remember, God made us in his own image, male and female. He made us.

And so this is pre fall creation doctrine that we're talking about. Marriage is not something to be redefined because marriage was God's idea. And so headship and being the body that supports is not about somehow earning, but it's about function. For we are all equal in value before God. Galatians 3:28 (CEV)

”Faith in Christ Jesus is what makes each of you equal with each other, whether you are a Jew or a Greek, a slave or a free person, a man or a woman.”And so the husband and wife are equal before the Lord. There's equality, yet there are different functions, different functions that they were made for. So this is the second word, “headship, head.” The third key word is “respect.”

You find it in verse 33, Paul summarizes what he has for the first few verses, he summarizes the husband and the wife. He does something for the wife differently than he does for the husband. Here for the husband, he repeats the word, “love.” That was the command verb. “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church,” in verse 25.

Then in verse 33, he repeats love, but for the wife, he changes it. He changes it from submission to respect. And I think it was important that he did that, because there's something about the love language of men that is received through the “respect gate.” Men receive love primarily through the “respect gate.” And so he's saying, ‘wives, if you're going to line up under them, make sure that you respect your husband.’

This is the word that he uses. And so this is the calling. Now, we have a book here that I would recommend to you. It's entitled, “Love and Respect,” written by Emerson Eggerich. And in this book, he says this.

He says, “In marriage, a woman’s basic need is to feel loved whereas a man’s basic need is to be respected… Often, we focus on our own needs and simply overlook the needs of the other person… When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.” So I'd recommend this book to you.

Our church members often want me to let you know the kind of books I've been reading lately about topics. This is a good book. I would recommend it. In this book, he has a graph that I think is helpful. It's called “the crazy cycle.”

Have you ever been on “the crazy cycle?” Maybe you drove up in your car today and you got out of the car on “the crazy cycle.” That's where you're at today. Let me describe to you what Eggerichmeans by this. He says that without love, she reacts without respect. And without respect, he reacts without love.

And so if he doesn't love her, if he doesn't express love to her, she begins to disrespect him. And as she disrespects him, he stops loving her. He stops cherishing her as he should. And so the more one does this, the other one does that, and you find yourself on “the crazy cycle.” And days and months and years can go by, and you can't get off that thing.

And every time it happens, more unforgiveness is happening, unless you keep a short list. You don't let the sun go down on your anger. And somebody has to be brave enough to do the opposite to get out of it. How are you doing today? Is your marriage on “the crazy cycle” right now?

How do you get off? Well, one of you has to decide. And for the wife, what Paul says, what the word of God says is to line up under your husband and respect him. That's your part for getting off the world's way of doing marriage. Get off the crazy cycle.

Submission does not mean to be a slave. It does not mean to lose your identity. It does not mean blind obedience. It does not mean being used. It doesn't mean breaking the law.

It doesn't mean allowing your husband to abuse you. It doesn't mean being a doormat. No, the Bible, when it speaks of submission, it means to line up under. And besides, anything that has two heads is a monster. Line up under and let your husband be the head.

Encourage him to lead, responding to him as you respond to Christ and then asking for the forgiveness and grace of Christ to empower you to do this, because it's against the flesh and it's against your own nature that wants to rebel against God's word. This is the first instruction. And wives, you can breathe now and squeeze your husband's hand because he's next. We're at verse 25, and here's the word that Paul gives.

2. HUSBANDS: Sacrificially love your wife.

Husbands, sacrificially love your wife. The Greek command verb here for the husband is love your wives. And this is a well known Greek word, isn't it? Agape. There are many Greek words for love.

“Phileo” means brotherly love, friendship, love. “Eros” has to do with sensual love, erotic love. Here it's “agape,” which is sacrificial love. Lay down your life love. In case you're uncertain that that's what it means.

25 “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” He decided to put us first, ahead of himself. He laid down his life and died on the cross for our sins so that we might be forgiven. Now, wives have a tough calling.

It goes against their nature. Husbands didn't get an easy one either. Love your wife as Jesus has loved us. What? Who can do that?

Only those empowered by the spirit to lay down your wants, your desires, in order to follow Jesus and to care for your wife, to put her ahead of your own self. I would say, as Christ loved the church means to put on, first of all, that you would be a sacrificial leader, that you would be a servant leader. Not a dictator, not a CEO, but a servant leader. Putting her first. But it also, I think, means being a spiritual leader.

Do you see that as it goes on in verse 26, “that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,” That he might sanctify her (which means to make her holy) having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. And so the husband should also take on a spiritual headship in his family. And what that looks like is, first of all, if you're going to wash your wife with the word, and this is metaphoric language in a way, but what word would we be talking about? Well, we have to be talking about this word (pointing to the Bible.)

Now, how can a husband lead his wife and his family in the word if he doesn't put it in himself, if he doesn't put it in his own life? And so I see this so many times in our church, 32 years of pastoring this church. It's the wife, it's the mother who brings the kids to church. The husband stays home sleeping in, saying, “I was tired, you know, I've worked hard all weekend.” And then he forfeits his leadership in his spiritual role and the wife because he left the keys on the table.

And she recognizes that my kids, our kids need the Lord. She picks up the keys and takes leadership, not because she was being unsubmissive, but because he was being passive, he was being lazy in his spiritual leadership. And she would have gladly surrendered to him if he would take the leadership. Husbands, be spiritual leaders. Be the priest of your house, get the word in you, get up early and study the word of God and pray and ask God to empower you to love your wife as she deserves.

And may I say this to you, wives will not have any trouble submitting to a husband that would lay down his life for her. She would gladly follow a man like that. It's you turkeys that's so hard to follow. I can talk to guys a lot tougher because that's how we talk to each other. Guys,

we're used to that, right? It's the fact that you keep leaving the leadership on the table that's the difficulty. Be a spiritual leader in your house and be a sacrificial leader. So the first word is “love.” Love sacrificially and spiritually.

The second word is “nourish.” And by the way, it's like God said, Okay, I'm going to make man like this, and I'm going to make woman like that. And then when they get married, I'm going to give them instructions contrary to their nature.

And so, like the three words he gave wives, men might have liked those better. Could I just line up? Okay, so head and respect?

Because we like those words. We like words like, you know, “chain of command,” “pecking order.” Little boys, from the time they're little, learn that this is the way you play on the playground.

And so it's like God said, Okay, I'm gonna make men this way, women this way, and then when they get married, I'm gonna switch and give them alternative instructions. And then he gave the men the words that we didn't get any training at - “love,” “cherish” and “nourish.” These are our three key words. But yet I think marriage has a lot to do with how God uses marriage if we let him to make us more like Jesus, to sanctify us, to help us with the part that we need to die to our old sin nature.

So the word is “nourish.” You know, I said there were three key words, “love,” “nourish” and “cherish,” that we see to the man, to the husband. And so this word, “nourish,” means to feed in order to bring up to maturity. I think it's connected to your spiritual leadership.

Then the third key word is “cherish.” So it is “love,” “nourish” and “cherish.” We see these in verse 29. And the word, “cherish,” literally means “to keep warm.” In other words, “love with tender and gentle care.”

Be a thermostat in your house. Set the temperature in your marriage. Set the temperature. Let it be a temperature of gentleness and love and respect. And so here's the thing, men.

You're supposed to set the temperature; you're supposed to cherish. And wives, and no one has to tell you, you're supposed to do this. It just comes naturally. You are the thermometer. Wives are really good at telling their husbands what the temperature is.

It just comes naturally. They will tell you, ‘Hey, it's kind of cold in our relationship right now. You haven't told me you love me lately.’

Wives are good at being the thermometer. They'll tell you. They'll tell you what's up. And husbands aren't so great at hearing that. But the reason they're telling you that is because they want you to reset the temperature of the relationship.

My wife was gone for a couple of days this weekend and came back home yesterday. And I bet she asked me two or three times, “Did you miss me?” And the final time was right before we cut the lights out in the bed, and I'd already answered her with, “Yes.” That wasn't what she was looking for, as I'm realizing here. And I think.

I think I knew what she was looking for. But here's the man thing - if you have to ask, then it feels awkward to say it. Like you don't really get credit because you're just answering what she asked, “Did you miss me?”

”Yes, I missed you.” What I should have done as soon as I saw her, I should have ran to her. I missed you so much. Then I would have set the temperature just right. You don't get a lot of credit for just answering “yes” or “no” questions.

And so she asked me that instead. When she pulled up in the driveway, I was out working on stuff in the house. And if anybody knows a man like me, I'm very project oriented, and I'll get to you in a second. You came home earlier than I thought. I was trying to work on these things.

And so sometimes we put projects before people. Men can be especially linear. God made us that way. This, then that, then this. It can be a good thing, but it can also be a problem.

Hey, look at this cartoon. Here's another Family Circus cartoon for you. The husband and wife, mom and dad went out on a date, and the kids are lined up. One of the little girls says,

Did you remember to say, ‘Thank you and I had a nice time?’ She says to her mom, because that's what she always gets told when she's taken somewhere. Did you remember to do that? The reason I'm showing you this cartoon is because, guys, if you really want to set the thermostat as a leader in your family, don't let the romance die. Make sure you have a date night.

Okay, I've already won. She knows I love her. That's not how it works. She wants you to tell her; she loves that you love her, and she wants you to show her.

And so establish a date night, a time that you go out together. Sacrificial love means not being harsh. It means setting a gentleness in your house. Men are so often given to uncontrolled anger. Paul warns in Colossians 3:19 (ESV) Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

Be careful not to set a temperature of harshness, of anger. Sacrificial love is understanding and honoring. If it's not your spiritual life, your prayer life will suffer. Peter says, 1 Peter 3:7 (ESV) “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life,

so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

So that your prayers may not bounce off the roof when you say them because if you can't talk to your wife, what makes you think you can talk to your lord? Because they're connected. That relationship is connected. The Lord cares about how you're treating your wife. That phrase about her being the weaker vessel,

some modern people, some modern women, they don't like that. But he's really talking about the idea as a metaphor. It's an idea of, let's say it's a dinner plate, but it's an implement that you eat food off of. It's a special vessel, not for everyday use, but you're to handle it because it's fragile and it's kind of like fine china that you don't get out except when company's over. And so your wife is to be like that to you, husbands, so that you handle her with care. “Fragile, handle with care.”

That you care for her femininity and that she's different from you. But you have a sin problem. I told you before that we have a sin nature that bucks against it. Husbands have a sin nature that bucks against their calling to be the loving head of their family. It goes back to the garden of Eden.

Look what God said to Adam in Genesis 3:17 (NKJV) 17 “Then to Adam He said, “Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat of it’: “Cursed is the ground for your sake; In toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life.” And he says to the man, you didn't heed me.

You heeded your wife. You got things upside down. And here's the sin problem for a lot of men today. They are heeders rather than leaders. They are heeders rather than leaders.

They heed the world's voice. They even heed in just wanting to make their wife happy. And may I say to you, you can attract a woman if you make her the adventurer. If you make her the center of your world, you can attract her.

But she's going to get bored with that after a while if you don't make Jesus the center of your world.Give her an adventure that both of you can follow. She's not the adventure. The Lord Jesus is the adventure. Follow him.

And as you follow him, take her with you. She'll get on board with that. Don't be a heeder. Be a leader.

You're not just there to make people happy. You're there to lead your wife, to be holy with you and to follow her. Now, remember the crazy cycle I showed to you a minute ago? Pop it back up on the screen. Remember, if she doesn't respect, he doesn't love?

And it just keeps going and it just gets crazier and crazier, right? But there's a way to stop the flywheel. Now, when you first try to stop it, it might almost cut your finger off as you try to stop something that's already spinning. But somebody has to be brave enough to do the opposite. So go to the energizing cycle.

So if he loves her, it motivates her to respect him, which motivates him to love her more, which motivates her to respect him more. Now, if I look at this, it doesn't really matter who starts. What matters is the response. Which one of you would be the first one to obey God and say, ‘I'm going to start respecting him anyway. I'm going to start loving her anyway.

I'm going to start obeying God's word.’ Then, watch the blessing of God come into your life. And so, husbands, will you follow God's design for marriage? Will you love, will you cherish, will you nourish your wife spiritually as God has called you to do? But we're not finished. Paul's not finished.

As he begins to summarize, he introduces something new, something mysterious. And to us as a couple, he says to display the mystery of our oneness in Christ.

3. MARRIED: Display the mystery of our oneness in Christ.

Display the mystery of our oneness in Christ. To put on display. Remember why did God make us? He made us in his image, the Imago Dei. He made us in the image of God, male and female

He made us. And so then the first thing he does is he gives Adam a wife named Eve. He's made male and female, and he makes them one flesh. This is pre-fall. So this is creation doctrine.

This is God's plan. And so then he says that this is a picture of the image of God to the world, that you're to reflect something about God to the world. This is a mysterious thing, Paul says. And then he quotes from Genesis 2:24, which is pre-fall, before they ate of the garden of the forbidden fruit. And he says this,
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

That's Ephesians 5:31, which is quoting Genesis 2:24. Paul is going all the way back to foundation principles and saying, ‘You know what? Your house is supposed to be a lighthouse. Your marriage is supposed to be so otherworldly, the way you have this submission,love,respect,cherishing and nourishing. It's supposed to be so otherworldly that people outside go, ‘Who are you? And how can I get some of that?’

Your family is supposed to be so otherworldly, not like the world, but so otherworldly, so that you are really one flesh, so that you can't think of yourself without thinking of the other, that you've become truly one. You see, christian marriage is a three-fold event. It's a husband, it's a wife, and it's the Lord. It's a holy triangle, and all three are involved. And you can't have a marriage like this in your own strength, wives.

You'll never line up under your husbands because your sin nature is contrary to it. Without Jesus and his spirit empowering you to do it, so that you're doing it for him. Husbands, you'll never be able to sacrificially love your wives the way God has called you to, without the spirit of Jesus within you helping you do it. And you'll never really recognize what God wants until you invite him into the oneness of your marriage.

Look at Malachi 2:14-15 (ESV) 14 “… the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. 15 Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring.

So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.”

You see how God is intimately involved with marriage. He cares about your marriage. And may I say, you'll never really experience God's blessing until you put him as Lord of your life. And then you decide, I'm going to do it your way, God, rather than my way.

You won't get a perfect marriage because none of us are perfect. But you'll get a blessed marriage and a blessed family. This is what God has called us to and desires to do for us. And it's a picture not only for this world of what God's doing, but it's a foreshadowing of what God's doing in the future.

Look at the book of Revelation. Revelation 19:7-9 (NLT) “Let us be glad and rejoice, and let us give honor to him. For the time has come for the wedding feast of the Lamb, and his bride has prepared herself… Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding feast of the Lamb.”

Marriage, christian marriage, is a foreshadowing of a future when the church, the family of God, comes as the body of Christ, as the bride of Christ, and he's the husband and he's the head that we bow down before, and that every believer is invited to the table, to that wedding banquet. It's a picture of that which we're called to now.

We can't do it alone. We speak about the family of God. May I say to you, one of the best things you could do, especially as a young married couple, is get active in a Bible believing church and look to mentors, mentoring couples that are a little ahead of you and older than you in their marriage, especially. And so, wives, if you see a wife that has got a good marriage, get with her and have lunch and pick her brain. Husbands do the same.

Be in a small group with other believers and begin to sharpen your tools in marriage, because the world won't teach you how, the world will teach you the opposite. And learn from those who have successful marriages. I mean, successful in terms of the Lord's design for marriage. And sharpen one another, as the word of God says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” And so the reason I'm saying this as an application is something that we're learning lately from surveys.

This is from a book entitled, “The Good News About Marriage,” by Shaunti Feldhahn. She says, “Every study that has ever been done has found that the rate of divorce among those who regularly attend church is much lower than among those who don’t. The bottom line is that weekly church attendance lowers the divorce rate significantly.”

Now, I don't know if it's the attendance, like putting your behind in one of these seats. I don't think that's really it.

I think it's more about your attentiveness to the word of God. You're at least close to hearing the word of God by putting your behind in one of those seats. But if you're not applying it, it's your appliedness to what you're hearing. Will you go home from this place, having heard the word of God and then be faithful to and say, ‘As a wife, I can't control what my husband does, but I have decided to obey God's word and to be the wife that God called me to be. I'm going to submit to my husband as unto the Lord because I'm submitted to the Lord.

I'm going to respect him as unto the Lord. I'm going to do what God's called me to do for my partner.’ As a husband. ‘I'm going to love my wife sacrificially. I'm going to put her first. I'm no longer going to be the selfish little boy. She's not my mama.

I'm supposed to be taking care of her. There's a lot of little boys in our world today that aren't being brought up to be men of God. And so I'm going to lay my life down for her. I'm going to take care of her as the special vessel,the gift that God has given me.’ And as we do those things, we pay attention.

Divorce becomes something that we don't even ever consider. Oh, don't you want this? Don't you want to have a blessed marriage? . And it's the best thing we can do for our children to obey God's word. So marriage is kind of like a “flying trapeze.”

It's kind of a leap of faith and we need the Lord and we need to make sure that the husband and the wife hang on to one another. So how's your marriage doing? Are you making sure the ‘gagement ring doesn't fall off? Are you holding hands? Are you gripping tight?

Are you hanging on to the Lord Jesus and to one another? Husbands, will you be the servant leader? Wives, will you follow as you follow Christ? Let's pray.

Everybody bow your heads. First of all, if you're seated near your spouse, I would ask you to hold hands right now. Would you hold hands? Let's make sure the ‘gagement ring doesn't fall off. And I'm going to pray for you first,married couples, right where you're at.

Dear Lord Jesus, I pray for these couples. I pray for them, Lord, that you would energize them with your spirit and that they would first of all forgive the other for those places where there hasn't been love or there hasn't been respect.

And then, Lord, I pray you'd give them the spirit's power to begin to obey your word. And for husbands to truly love their wives and to truly put her first. And for wives to truly respect and line up under their husbands. Make our men spiritual leaders and priests in their house, Lord, repair marriages that are on the rocks right now that are going through this crazy cycle. Help them to break free.

Lord, we do pray for these couples. And then, Lord, we pray for those in the room that have never surrendered their life to Jesus. Is it you? If you've never given your life to the Lord, you've never surrendered to the Lord, that's the beginning place not just for marriage, but for life. Would you pray with me right now, right where you are?

’Dear Lord Jesus, I'm a sinner. I've rebelled against your word. I've been doing life my own way. But today I surrender. I want to follow your way, Lord.

And I believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins, that he was raised from the grave and that he lives today. Come and live in me, Lord. Forgive me of my sin. Adopt me into your family. Make me a child of God.

I want you to be my lord and savior.’ If you're praying that prayer, believing, he'll save you. It would be wrong for me to close this prayer out without thinking of those that are single today. We're all born single, and many of us will experience singleness again due to death or divorce or other things. We all face you, Lord Jesus, as singles.

No one stands before you as a family. We stand before you alone. And so I pray for those today that are hurting. Maybe you've lost a loved one, maybe you've lost a spouse and you're alone again. Maybe you've experienced divorce and you're hurting.

And this whole marriage sermon, if you could have gotten up and ran out of here, you would have, because you're still hurting. Would you just bring it to the Lord right now and say, ‘Lord, help me, I'm grieving my marriage or the loss of a spouse, for whatever reason I'm hurting.’ And, Lord, Holy Spirit, would you comfort people in those places right now? Would you comfort them and would you encourage them and show them that ultimately you are the one who says, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” We pray it all in Jesus’ name, Amen.