The Tightrope – Singleness
Family Circus

Transcript

Good morning, church. We're continuing with part four now of our family series entitled, “Family Circus.” And we're calling it a family circus because that's really what happens. We think we're going to have the perfect family whenever we start a family, but it always turns out that it's more like a crazy, chaotic circus. That's kind of what happens with families because none of us are perfect and none of us will have a perfect family.

But we can have a blessed family, a family that lives under God's blessing. And that's what we're talking about in this series. Now, this morning we're going to be talking about being single because being single, you're still, if you're a follower of Jesus, you're a member of God's family. And we're going to talk about what that looks like and how to live under God's blessing as a single person. We're going to be looking at God's word to talk about that today.

Now, before I begin, I want to thank the Lord for some things that he's done, just like what he's done as we were singing just now. I want to thank the Lord, first of all, for our Uganda team getting back home safely. And so we're thankful for that. And they'll be giving their mission report tonight at 6:30pm. Hope you'll come back and hear them.

And so we're happy to have them back home after spending a couple weeks in Uganda with our partners there. And I'm also thankful for our seniors. When I say seniors, our high school seniors that graduated this year, we had one of our biggest graduating classes from our youth department. And this is the last Sunday for many of them. In fact, I've been really sentimental this morning. Like two or three of them have come up and hugged me and said, “Pastor Gary, it's my last Sunday here.

I'm starting college. I'm moving into my dorm on Monday or Tuesday.” And I'm hearing this so much this morning that I'm just feeling really old. I don't know. But I'm also feeling very thankful.

In fact, one of our vocalists today on the worship team, Gabrielle Propst, in the white dress and also had the really cool sneakers, right, just like the ones I have, right, those Nikes. It's her last Sunday. And I still remember holding a microphone for her when she was this tall, before we even bought this building and her singing her first song publicly. I can't name every one of them, but I love every one of them dearly. And I'm thankful for their testimony.

And speaking of being thankful, I'm thankful we put out the word, I think it was on Friday. We put out the word through email and through social media, checking on you, our church family, and finding out how you are doing. Did you survive the storm? Do you have any damage? Do you need any help?

And as far as I know, no one said they needed help. Several of you could have said, ‘I know someone that needs help,’ but none of you said that. And so the Lord really brought our family through this storm really well. But not everyone in Wilson county did as well. Right?

We know that Lucama, especially, got hit pretty hard. We know that one man lost his life when his home came down on him. We know that Springfield Middle school had tons of damage done to it. But even in the midst of all of that, God's people have turned out. A couple of the pastors I pray with monthly, the pastor of Wave Church and the pastor of Farmington Heights, they both had already planned a serve day.

Ironically or coincidentally, but there's no coincidence. I believe in “Godincidence,” but not coincidence. They'd already planned a serve day on Saturday and they just diverted their effort to Lucama. And they did a ton of work out there. And a few of you, a few of our church members headed out there to help and took their chainsaws and so forth.

And I was told there were backhoes and there were all kinds of chainsaws and just hundreds of people out there working from these churches. And I'm thankful for that. Aren't you? That God's people show up at times like that? So before I dig in, can I say, I'm thankful, God, for what you've done.

Let's pray. “Lord, thank you. Thank you for those that are graduating. We pray for them as they head off to college. Lord, thank you.

Thank you for the way you protected our church. Thank you for bringing home our loved ones from Uganda. And we can't wait to hear the report. And, Lord, we do pray for those that are hurting from the loss of a loved one or for the teachers and students that are about to head back to school at Springfield, Lord, that the details would be worked out and that you would be with them through that. Lord, we do give you thanks in all things.

In Jesus’ name. Amen.” Well, let's dig in. We're going to be talking about singleness today. Now, take a look at this cartoon I have for you.

It's from the family circus cartoon drawn by Bil and Jeff Keene. Bill has passed away now, but his son Jeff keeps drawing it. In fact, that's Jeffy right there throwing a ball up in the air. And he's talking to his sister and he says this. He says, “I'm having a catch with God.

I throw the ball and he throws it back.” Well, here's little Jeff. He's a little single dude. In fact, we're all born single, aren't we? We all begin life as singles.

And he explains to his sister, “even if I'm playing ball alone, I'm not really alone because I'm playing catch with God.” How about that? He has the right attitude, and that's really what we're going to be talking about in the message today, that you're never really alone. Indeed, there's really no such thing as singleness in Christ, because in Christ you're made complete, you're made whole. Now, as church folk, we often make it hard for people that are single to be part of the church family.

We make it difficult for them because we either forget them and we just overlook them. When we have our birthday parties and our gatherings, we forget to invite them. Or our attempts at matchmaking make them feel uncomfortable. Our couple’s groups and family gatherings make them feel left out. Our questions that imply that they are less than whole make them feel inadequate.

We make them feel like the “odd man out,” like the “third wheel.” We make them feel that way. But there's nothing odd about being single. As I said before, we all begin life that way, and we'll all end up that way. And many of us who even will find out you become single again throughout life due to various reasons. As we look at the Bible, there was nothing odd about being single.

Elijah, John the Baptist, Paul and Jesus all lived life as singles. And so you can live a blessed life and remain single. The reasons and ranks for singlehood are diverse. There are those who hope to get married, but they're not married yet. There are those who've decided to remain single for life.

It may have been a deliberate decision when they were young, or it may be more of a gradual awareness and acceptance as they grew older. There are those who are single again due to death or divorce or some other reason. And other reasons for singleness might include chronic illness or physical handicap or homosexuality. And the person has same sex attraction, but they've decided, as a follower of Jesus, to remain single and to give that attraction to the Lord. These are various reasons, and perhaps you've thought of others, but the truth is we start single, and one day when we face the Lord, we'll face him as singles, and we'll give an account for our own lives.

How can we live following him? There are particular challenges for singles, we must admit, but they're all common to human nature and the human experience. In Paul's first letter to the church at Corinth, he begins to talk about this. Indeed, Christianity addresses singleness more than any other religion and shows how you can live a blessed life and still remain single. And Paul says, here's how you do it.

You look for your true fulfillment in Christ. And I believe today, whether you're married or whether you're single, that's where you'll always find your true fulfillment. You'll find it in following Jesus. As we look at the text, I think we'll see four steps on how to make Christ the goal of our fulfillment. Let's look at it now.

Chapter seven. I'm not going to read the whole chapter. It's 40 verses. I'm going to drill down on those sections that most talk about being single. Okay, verse six.

We'll start there.
1 Corinthians 7:6-9; 24-28; 32-40 (ESV) 6 “Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. 8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.

9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion.” Now let's skip down to verse 24. 24So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God. 25Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is.

Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned.

and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. … And then down to verse 32. I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.

33But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 35I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. 36 If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—

it is no sin. 37 But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. 38 So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better. 39A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. 40Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is.

And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.” This is God's word. We're looking for Four steps to finding true fulfillment in Christ. Here's the first:

1. Learn contentment with what God has given you.

Learn contentment with what God has given you. Learn to be content in your present situation. This is what Paul is promoting. Are you married? Stay married.

Are you single? Consider staying single. Instead of trying to rearrange the status of your life, of rearranging outward things, thinking somehow that will make you happy. Pursue inward things, pursue the spirit, pursue heart change

and following Jesus. Bring your life into his care and under his devotion. Paul begins by saying in verse six, he says that this is not a command, what I'm telling you. I'm not commanding you to remain single. It's advice. It's good advice for those that want to remain devoted to the Lord, to be fully devoted.

He says that it's not a command, it's good advice. But he says, 7 “I wish that all were as I myself am.” Why? Paul was single. Paul was traveling the world. He was going from town to town and his calling from the Lord to carry the gospel and plant churches.

It would have been very difficult for him to have a wife and kids. It would have been very difficult for him to be a husband and a father. He had decided, and as you hear him talking to people like Timothy, who he wrote letters to, he had decided to make the family of God his family and to be whole in the family of God and to see them as his spiritual children. He calls Timothy, his spiritual son in the Lord whom he loved, his beloved son. He called Titus his beloved son.

He had become a father spiritually by the churches he planted and the people he led to Jesus, and he found his purpose there. He was not less than a man. He was a whole man in Christ, and he had the family of God. And so this is what Paul's saying, ‘I wish you could just remain like me. It's simpler.

It's less complicated. It's just easier.’ But each has his own gifts. So he goes on to say, verse eight, “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.”

’So singleness is good,’ he says. Now, in the church today, I don't know if we actually verbalize it, but we kind of imply it; we don't want people to stay single.

A good looking man just showed up at our church, and, you know, we've got three or four good looking girls here. Then, we start matchmaking. And we probably have good motivations. We think we're helping, but God's in charge, and maybe we should leave those kinds of things to God, instead of thinking that we have a plan. Sometimes it often makes people very nervous and it offends people when we get in their business like that

although I would say this, it's better to look for a spouse at church than it is at the bar or at the dance hall or whatever party you're going to. But may I say that we can find our contentment first in the Lord. Paul says to be like me. What was Paul like? Here's what he says in Philippians.

Here's what he had learned. He had learned a secret. Philippians 4:12 (NIV) “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation…”

He's completely satisfied in Jesus. He wasn't missing anything. He wasn't missing out. He was whole in Christ. And this is the first way to learn about this.

And may I say to you, if you believe that God is calling you to marriage, rather than looking for the perfect spouse, looking for someone that will be perfect for you, try to be the person that's perfectly in God's will. Make yourself ready. And if God does bring somebody your way, you'll be ready. You'll be whole in Christ.

Instead of missing the parts and thinking that some person will complete you, because they won't, you will only find complete fulfillment in Jesus. Why is it good? Why is both marriage and singleness good? We see in verse 26 that marriage is good. Verse eight says that singleness is good.

Let me give you two reasons why both singleness and marriage are good. Here's the first. Both singleness and marriage are a gift from God. You see that in verse seven.

He says that it's a gift. It's an undeserved favor. And so there's a gift. I remember being in a Bible study when I was in college, and I was a single man, and we were talking. We were going through chapter seven, and one of the guys said, “Oh, man, I don't want that gift.”

And somebody else said, “What is that? That's like the gift of celibacy. That's what that is. I don't want that gift.” We were all red blooded American boys, we were following Jesus, but we had our issues. Guys, can I get a witness?

You know what I'm talking about, right? Don't have to get into the details, right? And so we were like, I don't want it. It doesn’t seem like a gift, but Paul says it is.

Paul says it's a gift. He says it's a gift to be single, and that's a gift to be married. I've done many weddings in my 32 years, almost 33 years of ministry. I've done a lot of weddings. And one of the things we teach in premarital counseling, we teach when we do a wedding, is that, will you receive this person? Will you receive her as a gift from the Lord?

Will you receive him as a gift from the Lord? So whether it's marriage or singleness, it's a gift. Here's how the new living translation translates verse seven;

this is Paul, he says, 1 Corinthians 7:7 (NLT) “I wish everyone could get along without marrying, just as I do. But we are not all the same. God gives some the gift of marriage, and to others he gives the gift of singleness.”

The first reason that it's good is that it's a gift. Here's the second reason: both singleness and marriage portray the gospel of God. They both portray the gospel of God. Here's what Sam Allberry says in his book, “7 Myths about Singleness.”

He says, “If marriage shows us the shape of the gospel, singleness shows us its sufficiency.” So marriage, we know from Ephesians chapter five, Paul says that it's a mystery that the way a husband and a wife become one and the way they love each other, respect each other, is like a picture of Christ and the church, which is his bride, the church. And so it shows the mystery or the shape of the gospel, marriage does.

But what about singleness? It shows the sufficiency of the gospel that we are all whole and complete in Christ. So whether you're married or single, you should see yourself as whole in Christ, not looking to your spouse or to some other person in an idolatrous way, putting them in the place of God. Putting them in the place of Christ, as if they can complete you.

You're going to complete me?. No. Your completion, your fulfillment is in Christ.

And if you come whole and your spouse comes whole, now you've got something. If you want to be married, now you've got something. Instead of two broken people missing parts, if you're whole in Christ, you've got something. You got something in Christ that will last. So both singleness and marriage are a gift from God.

Both portray the gospel of godliness. In colossians chapter two, we read this, Colossians 2:10 (NLT) “So you also are complete through your union with Christ.” So be content, single person.

Don't be like, Oh, oh, I gotta find somebody. Desperate attitudes leads to desperate results.

Amen. Some of you know this. Yeah. And so let God be God. Be content where you are.

Be content where you are. Now, Paul had said in verse 25, he actually started off in verse six the same way. He says,
“Now as a concession, not a command, I say this.” I'm not commanding you to be single. There's no such command in the Old Testament. There's no such command from Jesus in the gospels.

It's not a command. It's me giving you good advice. I believe I have the spirit. So I'm writing with spiritual authority. It's good.

So church, marriage is good. We know that. Singleness is good, too. Singleness is good, too, in the Lord. That's what he's saying.

Be content. Let me read the Philippians passage more fully. I read part of it earlier. He says, Philippians 4:11-13 (NKJV) 11 “… I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content:

12 I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Do you want to be happy in marriage? “I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.” You want to be happy single?

”I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.” That's the secret. That's the secret to contentment, Paul says. In Shelley Pulliam’s, Life Lessons for Single Moms, she warns,

”Don't, ‘if only’ your life away.” She writes this: “It’s tempting to think, “If only I were married, I’d be happy.” If only I had kids… If only my kids would behave… If only I had a different job… If only I lived in a different place… If only I owned my own home… If only I made more money… We “if only” our life away. We’re always one step away from what will make us happy. Contentment isn’t about getting rid of your desires or pretending that you don’t want to get married. It doesn’t remove the pain of divorce or the sting of “having never been chosen.” Contentment and your desires and hurts can coexist. To be truly content, we have to be able to see the value in our pain. God is at work. He doesn’t waste our experiences. He’s using them for a higher purpose that we can’t always discern. We just have to have the faith to accept that and – eventually – to rejoice in that.”

Whether you're married or single, to be content in Jesus, this is the first step to finding fulfillment, true fulfillment in Christ. Here's the second:’’

2. Offer your body with its desires to God.

This is a very direct verse. He's very direct here, 9 “But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry…”
But if they cannot exercise self control, they should marry, if you can't manage your emotions, if you can't manage your desires, you've obviously got the gift of marriage, it seems.

And he says, 9 “For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion.” Now, when I grew up, I grew up on the King James Bible, and it just says, “It's better to marry than to burn.” And I thought, Oh, Lord, I'm going to hell, you know, because I knew I was burning. But that's not what it means here.

It has the idea of “to burn” with passion. It's not talking about punishment here. It's talking to that desire that seems like fire. There are many modern songs that equate that desire with fire. And so he basically says, ‘if you lack the willpower, if you lack the ability to control your desires, then marriage is one of God's blessings.’

And the reason he gives this desire is because this sexual desire comes from God. But where does it belong? It belongs in a covenant between a man and a woman for life. It's like dynamite.

It's too explosive to be utilized anywhere outside of the protective environment of a man and woman, who both said, ‘I do until death do us part.; That's where it belongs; it doesn't belong anywhere else. That's what the Bible teaches. And so he teaches this, to offer your body and to keep your desire under control. And then when we keep on reading, we get down to 36 through 38.

He begins to talk about it more. Verse 36, “If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed…” in other words, his person he's engaged to and his passions are strong, they should get married. In other words, I would say to you, it's not wise to have long engagements. We actually teach people, if you think she's the right one, if you think he's the right one and you plan on getting married, don't set the calendar

two years from now, you will stumble, you'll fall into sexual impurity, and you'll have trouble in your spiritual life. Just long engagements, not a good idea. I just feel like that's what Paul is saying here. And Paul is speaking from the spirit. He tells us this in verse 40.

He says, 40 “Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.”
He's speaking and giving us good advice. But he says basically, 37 “But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well.” He can wait. He doesn't have to get married. She doesn't have to get married.

These are the things he's saying now. Where does desire come from? Is desire evil? No.

God made us with desire. He made us desire food. Is that wrong? It can be if we eat too much or we eat the wrong things. That's kind of what happens to all of our desires.

God made us in his own image, and he gave us desires for our good. He gave us the desire to be made one with him, first of all. But then also, if he gives us the gift of marriage, he makes us have a desire for one another in that way. But he gives us the desire to eat so we will feed our bodies. He gives us the desire so we won't pass out.

I mean, he gives us all these desires and they're good. But the problem with sin, we're made in the image of God, but because of sin, it has bent and twisted our desire. So we want too much and we want the wrong brand. We want the opposite of what he wants, and we want too much of it, whether it's food or sex or whatever it is. That's what sin does.

It twists our God- given desires. But what Christ does in us is, his spirit lives in us. What's that little seed at the end of the fruit of the spirit? The fruit of the spirit has nine seeds in it, right? It's like one fruit with nine seeds. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control.

It's a gift of the spirit. We're taught in the public universities and public schools today, often, that we're just a higher form of animal that has no control. And so that we teach our children, we hand them the implements of their own destruction because we think, Well, they can't control their sexual appetites.

They're just little animals. They have to be what they are. That's not scripture. The Bible teaches that we're made in the image of God and that through the spirit of God, we can have control over our desires. And so, single person, getting married won't fix this.

Can I get a witness? Married people, if you have inappropriate desires, getting a wife, guys won't fix it. You'll still have problems with pornography and other things. Whether single or married, we still want too much and the wrong brand. We just do.

It's what sin did to our desires. But when we submit our bodies to Christ, we submit our bodies to the Lord. We submit our sexual appetites and all of our desires and all of our appetites to the Lord. And he changes us and he makes us new. It says in Romans 12:1-2 (NIV) “… offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—

this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” He'll change your way of thinking. He'll give you the gift of self control.

And so the person you want to please most of all is Christ, and it makes you whole and complete. And then you have something to offer to the family of God. In fact, the psalmist teaches us this, Psalm 37:4 (NIV) “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” When you make him your first delight, your first desire, all of your other desires are being repaired and brought back into alignment to the way God always meant you to be, so that delighting in him your desires are met in him because he brings them into alignment with his will.

This is the second step. Surrender. Offer your bodies with all of its desires to the Lord and say, ‘Lord, teach me to want what you want for me. Here's the third:

3. Find your life purpose in undivided devotion to God.

Look at verse 35. Do you see verse 35? It says this, “I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

This is right. There it is. There's the “key under the doormat” for chapter seven. This is what Paul is wanting for the church at Corinth.

This is what the Holy Spirit wants for us. He wants us to put him first. What's the first commandment? Y'all remember those ten commandments back there in the Old Testament? What's the first commandment?

To love God, thou shalt have no other. God's what before me? That includes marriage.

You can't make marriage an idol. You can't make sex, your sexual identity an idol. Whatever it is, whatever you could put in the place of God having your own way. This is what he's calling us to. He says, I want you to have undivided devotion to me.

And here's how Jesus invited his disciples. He says, in Luke 9:23 (NIV) Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” So following Jesus means saying “no” to self. It means saying “no” to self. You've offered your bodies as living sacrifices to the Lord.

Now you're following Jesus, and you're saying, ‘Crucify in me, I'm taking up my cross daily. Crucify in me those things of the flesh. Whether married or single, I accept the gift and the calling of where I'm at right now.’

Oh, I would be happy if you just change this in my environment. No, I'm completely whole in you. I'm completely content in you. So the apostle Paul, whether he was in a prison in chains, singing hymns to the Lord, or whether he was standing on Mars Hill preaching the gospel, he had learned in every situation to be content. Oh, I want this, Lord.

I want to know this. The truth is, some of the most amazing people in history lived life as a single person. Just last week, on last Tuesday, a woman named Doris Brougham, an American missionary to Taiwan, passed away at age 98. She lived her entire life as a single woman. She moved to China when she was in her early twenties.

She was a renowned musician, but she thought that the lord had called her to China. So she thought, maybe God can use my music, and so she could play all these different instruments. But as soon as she got to China, World War II broke out, and she ended up escaping to Taiwan with the people following Chiang Kai-shek. And so she ended up being in Taiwan. And so in Taiwan, she found out that they loved Americans and they wanted to learn to speak English.

And she thought, well, I speak English. So she put her music and her English together, and she began to teach English. And so she found out so many people wanted to know that she started a radio broadcast and taught English. And so from the president of Taiwan, Chiang Kai-shek, all the way down, they started learning English from this 20 something who's just there. Didn't know exactly what she was doing, but she completely devoted herself to the Lord.

And all these people started learning English from Doris. She spent her whole life doing this. Started to radio broadcast and play music. She started teaching them choirs and how to sing different parts, something they'd never done. Some of the most beautiful choirs she led in Taiwan.

When she passed away, the former president of Taiwan cried and wept as he announced to the Taiwanese, the godmother of English education had passed away and is with the Lord now; he was so affected. 98 years, 70 plus years of ministry as a single. Whenever Billy Graham, some years ago, visited and was talking to Doris, she was 65. Then she said, “I feel like I should retire. Aren't we supposed to retire when we're 65?”

And he said to her, “Doris, you can't retire. And besides, I can't find retirement in the Bible anywhere.” And so she just kept on. John Stott, the pastor of All Souls Church in London. I visited that church, a beautiful church.

John Stott lived his entire life as a single man; he passed away at age 90 in 2011. People asked him, “Do you have the gift of singleness?” And he said, ‘Well, I didn't mean to. But in my twenties and thirties, there was a woman that I thought was the one. And we tried twice to be happy together

but when I would pray about it, I couldn't get a release from the Lord.” And he said, “I finally, after the second attempt, decided, you know, I think God just wants me to be devoted to him and his ministry.” And so he became one of the most well known authors and statesmen of Christianity, affecting the entire world. Many of the commentaries that sit on my shelves in my study are written by John Stott, one of my favorite authors. Being single can be fully fulfilling if you make your fulfillment about Jesus.

Indeed, Stott talked about how, as he got older in his church there at All Souls church in London, that people that knew him, that had kind of grown up in the church, maybe he was there when they were born and he had laid hands on them in the hospital, or maybe he had done their wedding. Maybe he had done the funeral of some of their loved ones. He became known to them within the church as “Uncle John.” There's a sweetness that can happen in the family of God. There's a place for the single man and for the single woman who becomes like an uncle and an aunt, like a mother and a father, as Paul called Timothy and Titus, my “sons” in the Lord.

Those that you've discipled, like we talked about earlier today when we heard that wonderful testimony which we teach people to do in Life on Life discipleship, and we begin to have a mother-daughter relationship with someone as we disciple. I know that Judy was discipling Chrissy, and at the first service they presented that. Judy, I know, has become like a “spiritual mother” to Chrissy. Maybe you were here to hear Chrissy talk about it. And so single people, you're not less than married people, you're not more than. All of us can only find our wholeness in Jesus, our contentment.

And all of us must learn to offer our bodies with all of our desires to the Lord in order to find self control and fulfillment in him and to find our purpose in undivided devotion. Here's the fourth:

4. Trust your companionship needs to God’s provision and will.

But God, I'm lonely. God, I'm hurting. Give it to God. First of all, learn to do that. Someone's here this morning, and you're recently divorced. Don't go looking for the answer in a man or a woman right now.

Have you heard of “love on the rebound?” Have you heard of that? It rarely works out. Take your time. Trust the season.

If you've been recently divorced, ask the Lord, ‘What do you want me to learn right now?’ Because the truth is marriage takes two, and so does divorce. And none of us are perfect people. What was my part?

What do I need to learn, Lord? What do you want me to know about this? Take a season and reflect. You're hurting. I know you are.

I know you're hurting. I know you're grieving. Maybe you're feeling ashamed. Recently, at my community group, after we talked about marriage a couple weeks ago, I preached on marriage.

I told them, I said, “I almost felt like I hurt people preaching on marriage. I looked out and I saw some of you crying because you'd lost a loved one. I saw someone that lost a loved one this year. He was crying. Now look at some of you that I care and love deeply, and you've lost a spouse to divorce.

And I was having a hard time finishing my sermon because I have a pastor's heart, and it was hurting me. I was like, man, why am I preaching about marriage? I have these hurting people.” So I brought that up at my community group, and I said, “Am I doing the right thing? Should I be talking about this kind of stuff? It’s so hard on some people.”

None of us have a perfect marriage. And so then you start talking about what it looks like, and even the people that are still married are elbowing each other. And then last week, I preached on parenting, and I saw the kids saying, ‘You messed that one up, dad.’

I was like, what? You know, is that why I'm preaching this, so that you'll feel beat up? No. And so I asked my community group about that, and they said, “No, pastor, keep preaching it.” A couple of the ladies that are in my small group have been divorced

and they said, “What you don't know is we still struggle with shame and guilt about our past and when you prayed at the end and talked about the gospel and how we have to find our wholeness and our completeness and our forgiveness in Jesus, we needed to hear that part.” One lady in the group said that the closing prayer was like a “warm blanket and a hug all wrapped up in one,” that I felt like the arms of Jesus holding me. We're not perfect in these sermons about the family. I'm not trying to teach you how to have the perfect family.

You'll never have the perfect family. There's no perfection in singleness, nor in marriage. But there is the pursuit of God. There is the wholeness, the fulfillment that we can have in Jesus, for he forgives us just as we are. So slow down and then find your companion.

Are you lonely? Do you need a companion? Because that's where we're at right here. Ask him; ask him to help you with that.

And then take your time. Don't get in a rush. And especially remember this, because he says it, right here in verse 39. Paul says, 39 “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.”

And Paul says more about this in his second letter to the church at Corinth. He writes this, he says, 2 Corinthians 6:14 (ESV) “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”

Don't be unequally yoked. God does not approve of “missionary dating.”

Well, you know, here's a woman, she thinks, I see potential in him. She thinks she's going to marry herself a “fixer upper.” But you're not marrying potential. You're marrying him.

And he's on his best behavior right now. And once he slips that ring on your finger, you're going to find out what potential was really there.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Get to know people. Find your wholeness in Christ. Find your place in God's fellowship. Look what it says.

Look how they were devoted in the early church. It says this in Acts 2:42 (ESV) “And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers.” Find your companionship in God's family. Find your wholeness in Christ.

Then if God gives you the gift of singleness, glory in it, and be an aunt and an uncle and a mother and a father and a grandfather and a grandmother in the church, fully, fully, spiritually, and find your joy there.

And if he calls you to be married, what better place to find a potential spouse than in the fellowship, rather than the bar, the dance hall, the party, wherever?

But let him do it. Let him help you find that. Can I be personal for a second? I'll tell you a personal story. Two things I think God honored in my pursuit of my wife.

Two things I think he honored. I was young.

I have always been quick to commit. I know that today a lot of people are slow to commit, but, boy, if I commit, I'm all in, whatever it is. And if I see something I want, I'm after it. That's just my personality, and it's got me in a lot of trouble.

Sometimes it's been good, but sometimes it hasn't. Do you know that whole “look before you leap thing?” I'm more like “leap.” Just “leap.” That's been me often.

But I was learning, and so I was talking to the Lord about it, and I had left some broken relationships behind, and I had some hurts. When I saw this young lady named Robin and I heard that she was in a gospel group and some different things, my radar went off. Okay, let's find out who she is. And so I had these two things.

One is I was praying for my future wife. I wanted to be married. I felt like God had put that in me, a desire for that, so I was praying for her. In fact, I had found this thing in the Bible called Proverbs 31, and I was praying for a Proverbs 31 wife.

And then I was talking to some of my fellow christian brothers, and they said, “If you go and pray for a wife like that, you better find some stuff that you can pray for yourself because she won't like you. She won't be attracted to you.” Oh, okay. I better be working on myself. God, you know what you want me to be.

But I was praying for a wife, so that's the first one. Pray and ask God to give you wisdom. And ask God if there is a future spouse for me out there. I pray that you're working on him or her right now to prepare. And so when we met, that was the first prayer: for God's wisdom and protection in the meantime, so I don't foul up.

And here's my second prayer: I prayed that God would guard my heart. When I meet her, I will begin to pray, “God, guard my heart so that I don't lose my head.” Remember that “look before you leap” thing that I had trouble with? Don't start shooting your mouth off too early here.

She might not be the one, so just take your time. God, guard my heart. So here's what I did on our first date.

I interviewed her. I had a list of questions. She thought she was at a job interview. This is strange. She never would have listened

if she hadn't been the right one. She never would have wanted to see me again. And so I began to ask her questions. I had a whole list. On our first date, I asked, “Tell me about when you became a believer in Jesus.” At the first date, I was asking that.

”Tell me your testimony.”

”Do you want to be married someday?” You don't say that on the first date. “Do you want kids?”

”How many kids?” “How many kids do you want?” Who is this weirdo, right? She's answering the questions the best she can.

She's kind of squirming around a little bit, is he going to let up? I asked, “If you ever were to marry a guy and God had called him to be a missionary to Africa, what would you feel about that?” I just went through every scenario I could think of, and she didn't run from me. God confirmed it. But I wanted to know her heart before I lost mine.

Singles, do you hear me? Take your time. Pray first. Be content where you are. Don't get in a hurry.

Maybe God's calling you to singleness for a season or for a lifetime. What really matters is your wholeness in Jesus. And if he calls you to marriage, pursue Jesus so that you bring your wholeness to the equation and pray for someone else that's whole in Christ, because that always works the best. If you're both focused on Jesus, it just brings you together.

Let's pray. Lord, I pray for people today that might be hurting. Maybe you're hurting today because you lack that first and most important relationship. You've never given your life to Jesus. Is that you, my friend? Right in your seat right here,

maybe you're watching online, you can say “yes” to Jesus right now. You can pray with me, “Dear Lord Jesus, I'm a sinner. I've been living life my own way according to my own desires.

But I want to turn my life over to you. I believe you died on the cross for my sin and that you were raised from the grave that you live today. Lord, I believe that and I surrender my heart to you. Would you come into my life now as I repent of my sins and I give my life to you? I want to follow you all the days of my life as my lord and savior.

Thank you, Lord, for saving me.” If you're praying that prayer right now, he'll save you. He'll adopt you into his family as a child of God. Others are here and you're hurting for other reasons. You're a follower of Jesus, but you're hurting in your marriage today.

And God wants to say to you, is your spouse not a believer? And the word says to stay in the marriage as long as they will. Perhaps your faith will bring them to Jesus, your purity of faith, your submission to the father. Are you in a situation today where your marriage broke up and you're single again and you're hurting and you're grieving and you feel odd in the family of God? Oh, Lord, comfort their hearts right now.

Help them. First of all, that the family of God would embrace them and not make them feel that way. I pray for us, Lord, that we would take care of those that are single again due to death or divorce. Lord, we pray for their hearts, that they would experience closeness to you like they've never felt. So they would know the joy of a relationship with you that would fulfill their deepest desires.

Lord, wherever we are today, whoever is hurting, whoever is far from you, Lord, bring us near. Make us whole. In Jesus’ name, Amen.