BE CAREFUL WHEN SAYING ‘I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL’
John Donne wrote that “no man is an island,” illustrating his conviction that we should recognize the unity and commonality of all humanity. Yet, the Proverb teaches that there is within a man that which cannot be fully shared nor understood by another. For the depth of one’s bitterness and the height of one’s joy is a unique and personal thing.
Does the Proverb negate the theme of Donne’s poem? No. For Donne spoke of the commonality of humanity’s condition, while the Proverb spoke of the uniqueness of the individual heart’s feeling. Two sisters may experience the loss of their mother, yet each will grieve uniquely. They share a common experience, but their feelings about it are particular.
Therefore, let us be careful when saying to someone, “I know how you feel.” You may have had a similar experience, but that doesn’t mean you share the same feeling. This is especially important when we wish to comfort those that are grieving or struggling with depression. For our feelings may not nearly match the color nor the degree of theirs.
Indeed, there is a deep solitude in each of our souls, so that we even have trouble knowing our own feelings, never mind those of another. Yet we can pray as the psalmist, saying, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties” (Psalm 139:23). For the Lord knows how we feel even before we do.
PRAYER: Dear Father, You know us better than we know ourselves. Give us discernment to know our own hearts and empathy and compassion to understand the hearts of others, especially those who are hurting. For we are called to comfort one another and to bear one another’s burdens. Speak to our hearts Holy Spirit and give us wisdom to know what to say and do that truly encourages. For You are our Comforter. In Jesus’ name, amen.