Cliff diving and the fear of rejection

"Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe" (Proverbs 29:25 NIV).

Some years ago, when I was young and foolish (or should I say more foolish) I found myself standing on a tall cliff overlooking South Holston Lake with a couple of my best buddies. We had already found the courage to jump from the cliff once, but on our second climb to the top we began to discuss the possibility of diving.

As we stood overlooking the lake, the wind whistled in our ears and the lake seemed to loom below at a greater distance than we imagined even after our first jump. My friends and I began to banter back and forth.

"OK Gary, you can do this man. It’s no big deal. You’re a good diver. Just don’t think about it. Just dive!" encouraged my friend Copey, as he gestured with his hands.

"Yeah Gary! No problem right? Just go for it!" Added my friend, Gordon.

"I mean, after all, you’re not afraid are you?" Questioned Copey, a wry smile forming at the edge of his lips.

That last comment/question did it! No self respecting member of the clan of boys that I ran with could answer that with anything but a resounding "No!" No I am not afraid!

Plus, I should add that a float boat of young women had appeared at the base of the cliff during our diving debate. We could hear these bikini-clad beauties talking among themselves as they peered up at us.

"Oh no. I think he is going to jump!" One of them exclaimed, as they turned off the motor on their boat.

"He could be killed." Another offered with obvious fear in her voice.

"You’re not going to jump are you?" Their unified voices drifted skyward towards us like a soprano choir.

"Yes." I heard myself say. I say that I heard myself say it because I remember thinking, "Was that me speaking?"

Continuing in this out-of-body experience, I felt myself, leaping into the air. I don’t remember deciding to do this, I just remember leaving terra firma and launching myself skyward, allowing gravity to do its work. For a moment it was perfect. I felt my arms outstretched. I pictured the most beautiful swan dive in my head. I bent at the waist and straightened as the water came into view. But "Noooo…!" I had over rotated. I had miscalculated the distance. As I tried to correct my error I began to kick my feet and flop my arms. I’m sure I looked like a wounded bird falling from the sky

When I hit the water it felt like concrete. I later discovered that I had bruised my face, my eyelids, my thighs, and various other areas. It really hurt.

Of course, I couldn’t show it. After all, the guys on the cliff and the girls in the boat were watching. As I slowly floated to the surface, I offered a put-on smile and a valiant thumbs-up to their questioning eyes.  Then I whispered a breathy "Help me." to my friend Bruce who was in our boat. Bruce was the one guy who had enough sense not to join us. He was the one I trusted to get me out of the water that day. I knew that I could trust him to help me and at the same time preserve what was left of my dignity.

This past summer I took my family boating on another lake. We found some cliffs there too. Soon, I heard my sons bantering back and forth about diving. They challenged each other with taunts and questioned one another’s manhood until they all stood atop a cliff ready to jump.

It made me flashback to my own cliff diving experience. It occured to me that the fear of being rejected by my friends or brothers was greater than my fear of heights. In other words, fear of the one outweighed the fear of the other. In either case, fear was the motivator. The other thought that occured to me is how the fear of man is related to the desire to impress. I wanted to impress the girls in the boat.

As I have grown to manhood I have often deluded myself into believing that I’m not a fearful man. I disdain any phobia in myself and have expressed my impatience for it in others, especially my sons. I want them to be brave and courageous.

But I have discovered a blind spot… the fear of man. I want too much to be liked. I desire too much to be respected. I love the spotlight and care for the applause of man too much.

I fear being rejected.

Nearly 25 years after I dove from a cliff I saw my sons doing the same. Watching them was great! They’ve become amazing and fearless men. But I pray that they don’t struggle like I have with the fear of man.  This fear is more insidious and harder to spot. I pray that they overcome it early rather than late. I pray that they know freedom from fleshly fears.

I think Jesus has a dislike for man’s fear too. He warned us about it. He was rejected by man, but He was not afraid.

Jesus said, "The Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life." (Luke 9:22 NIV). 

I want to care less about impressing people. I want to care more about pleasing Jesus.